Eric and I have been married for 22 years today. One thing that we both find amazing is how cold and snowy it is every year on our anniversary, on our wedding day though, it was sunny and in the mid 60’s, it was absolutely gorgeous out. Thanks God : )
I’ve been staying around 75% raw thinking I should go 100%….the addictive and compulsive nature in me wants the highest and best feeling I can get as quickly as I can get it : ) If a little bit feels good….lets bring on a truck load, right? I sprouted some wheat berries though and just couldn’t pick them over my oat bran…I did load it with blueberries and sprouted lentils though…it is actually pretty good….then sprinkled with 1 Tbs of peanuts and 1/2 c of vanilla soy milk. I do feel good, my weight is down, (not that that is my goal…it just happens with the raw food….then I get more raw food : ), and my energy is up….still doing the Pepsi Max though too. I was reading about phenylalanine last week….it’s an amino acid….and thought that I may be deficient in it so I bought some from the health food store….then read some more…..I found that it is the primary ingredient in aspartame….I took the phenylalanine back….but now I’m wondering if I’m so attracted to the Pepsi Max for that missing amino acid….am I looking for justification to continue? Maybe, but maybe not : ) I love to read about these things anyway though and this will give me a purpose.
Last night at meditation…we usually do two….a short one in the beginning followed by discussion then a longer one at the end. During the first one I realized that this has become normal for me….and I’m really glad that this is normal, (meditation)….but I used to really look forward to it…the day before I would start thinking about it, the day of I would really start looking forward to it….it’s a mystical, magical experience….it’s spending time with God on such a personal and profound level….the joy and amazement I would feel toward it was so profound….I was getting the privilege to enter into a realm that was special….I was going into “the secret place”, I still am. What really caught my attention though was the question, “How did I go from feeling like that to taking it for granted?”
When Eric and I were dating we spent every waking moment possible together, we lived on very little sleep or food, we were always in close physical contact with each other. When we were apart all I could think about is when we would be together again….and he did the same with me. We were in a bubble, our own magical wonderful world where everything and everyone was beautiful. Then I asked myself again, “How did it go from that to taking him for granted”? We’ve had two really awesome kids, we’ve had to deal with losing quite a few people, blending and adapting our separate lives into one….and that has been quite painful at times….we’ve had 22…24 years if you count dating….of learning lessons….and I know that we’re not done…but it is much easier. Now it’s an incredibly strong and loving bond that has a security and excitement to keep moving forward….I am so grateful for what we have, what we’ve gone through and what lies ahead of us.
I don’t want to take Eric or God or the other important people in my life for granted. I’m grateful for the familiarity and the security…..but I don’t want to lose the wonder, the magic or the thrill….I am blessed beyond belief….and I never want to forget that for a second!