Happy Thanksgiving : )


It’s still 2 days away, but I wanted to make sure and wish you a very happy, healthy and abstinent Thanksgiving.  Remember, food wise, it’s just another day….and you won’t have to feel stuffed and guilty. Food is not a recreation and we don’t need it to bond with people, or hide from them, have your favorite abstinent foods, teas, soda’s  and gum if you would like.  You are worth taking care of!

I’m reading “A Course In Miracles” right now.  I bought it over 15 years ago and didn’t click with it.  A study guide came past me a few weeks ago that intrigued me enough to pick it up again, now I look forward to my reading time with it every morning.  It’s coming at a perfect time too, I need to start envisioning what I want next, (Alexis is graduating high school and going to college), and this book is jiving with me on doing that in such a productive way.  It is also reminding me that there is only love and fear, everything is leaning in the direction of either one of those and if I’m in fear, I just need to ask for clear thinking…I’m making it sound really simple, and in a way, it is….at this point in my life anyway because I am open and ready for what it has to say.

There is anther book that just came out, “How We Did It”, by Nancy Kennedy, it’s about how people have lost weight and kept it off, there are many different stories and backgrounds, I am one of them : )

Just in case you are wondering, I am still free from Pepsi Max : )

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving full of love and light!  I love you and I’m so glad that you are on this path with me!!!

Life is Good!


HI!  I have gone to blog so many times in the past couple of months, but just didn’t.  Life is very interesting right now, very enlightening.  I do believe too that I have finally had my last run about with Pepsi Max.  The root of the addiction was shown to me and I was able to release it and let it go.  Addiction after all is the consumption of something that we know is harmful to us yet makes us feel better when we succumb to it.  It has been a little over a month since my revelation.  This time I quit because there is a raw food retreat center that I would like to go and volunteer at to learn more about the lifestyle, needless to say, they don’t drink Pepsi Max and I wouldn’t be of much use if I was detoxing from it while they were expecting me to help, so I thought I would give it another try…short term of course.  The next dayI was at a meeting with people that I always feel good and comfortable with….without the Pepsi Max….a huge feeling of fear and insecurity overwhelmed me and I couldn’t wait to get home….where of course I had some Pepsi Max waiting for me….I knew drinking it would make the feeling go away and replace it with joy, energy and the ability to concur the rest of the day.  I had a glimpse in the past that I was running from a fear and hiding in the super charged security of the sweet, black nectar, but it still didn’t seem that easy….and even for me, it felt weird, weak…..after all I am Super Sandee…..totally confident and capable : )  Who wants to feel weak and insecure?  This time, I stopped and asked God what was wrong, what was I so afraid of?   Then I waited…in fear and really wanting to get rid of this feeling at any cost…..including succumbing to  this controlling addiction yet again for the temporary and immediate relief that I knew it would give me.   I also asked God to remove the desire if He wanted me to go without it.  I got a clear message/awakening/enlightenment….whatever you want to call it.  I was terrified that the people that I cared for would “find out” that they didn’t like me anymore and would abandon me.  They would  “find out” that I was really worthless and insignificant.  There was an event that had happened during that time…not a really big one….just a remnant of other pains in the past that had come up again and my conscious mind quickly sloughed it off, filed it away and proceeded.  It was how I had learned to process pain in the past, it was the more mature, dignified way to handle it.  Similar things had happened and I had a deep fear that it would happen again….but as long as I stayed caught up in the unawareness and super speed of the Pepsi Max….it wouldn’t catch up to me or my consciousness.  I asked God to heal that in me….and He did.  I haven’t had the desire for it since.  I also have a security and feeling of worthiness that is real that I didn’t have before.  I find it so interesting that something like that can rule us to the extent it  does….our minds, bodies and emotions do what ever they can to protect us….and for that I have love and appreciation….now I have more patience and understanding to ask what really is the matter….and the security of knowing that as long as I have God, it  will be just fine.  Every addiction I have had has been a “tool”….it may not have been the best tool, but I knew how to use it.  It makes more appreciate all the more when I get the correct tool for the job : )

I have so much more to share with you from the past couple of months, and I will, but not today.  Life is so good, I’m in such a good space.

Lots of Love and Light to you!

Sandee

4 weeks off Pepsi Max!!!


….and I feel good.  I think that the phenylalanine is what I needed.  I am still having caffeine in the form of iced tea and the zip fizz….but one thing at a time….it seems that when I just focus on releasing one thing at a time gently, it tends to stay released.

As usual when I give up a crutch, a defect or fear that I’ve been trying to hide from myself shows up….not consciously, but there….and I have received yet another gift.  It makes me wonder if God is ever going to get finished cleaning me up : )  This was a gift through Al-anon.  It was a way that I responded in fear trying to keep things under control just based on a tone of voice, fear of a situation, or the possibility of a situation.  It got played out recently, but it’s so irrelevant to my life now and was negatively impacting my relationship with someone very important to me….I’m so grateful that this was shown to me and released.

There have been quite a few times now where I have had to completely surrender to God….it’s always been after tremendous struggle from trying to do things on my own first.  Now there is just a quiet discontent, a slight disconnect….a longing for that closeness and enveloping security, freedom and joy that comes from this type of surrender…..and I want that feeling.  I’ve been praying for God to show me the avenue to get that closeness and security again….there’s nothing bad happening….I just feel the drift and want to close the gap.  It feels like raw food is the way to go, and I did it today, I’m going to do it again tomorrow, I’m not sure how long, but I will know when it’s up.  Something feels ready to happen….something really good….I want all blockages removed, anything and everything that stands in between God and me.  Oprah said on her last show that she just asked God to let her be of service and not cause any harm….and wow, look what He did through her!   I would love to be of service and not cause harm….I know that when I’m in God’s will, I’m full of joy….so that is where I want to be, always.

Update on the abstaining from Pepsi Max


Yesterday was a week!  I’ve done that before and not felt good, and other times I have felt fine….so it’s not really a big deal at this point.  What is a big deal though is this….almost all of the problems that I listed last week that have been going on for quite a while are really faded or gone.

I haven’t needed a nap all week….I took one on Sunday just because it was gloomy and I wanted to lay down and watch some tv….but other than that, I’ve been fine and more productive than I have been in a while.  My energy is balanced throughout the day….I am still drinking caffeine though in the form of iced tea, (Lipton mixed with Green lemon and ginseng), green tea and zip fizz….so I’m not perfect….one thing at a time : )  I will say though that I’m not having as much as I did at the beginning of last week and I only have one green tea a day….I really think that it was the Phenylalanine that my body wanted….and I am taking that.

My heart burn is gone, I’m a lot less sore, my mood is good, I’m not getting really hungry until it’s time to eat….but I want to eat when it’s time.  The muscle and joint pain are just about gone.  This is amazing….my knee and hip, like I said, have been out for several weeks and it was really affecting my workouts, yoga and walking.  Saturday when I was doing a yoga/Pilates thing I do, I couldn’t get into a yoga position, then when I was doing Pilates it really got stuck and hurt.  I asked God to fix it…I pulled my knee a little then rocked my leg in my hip socket a couple of times and heard a pop and it hasn’t hurt since….I can bend completely at the knee again….there’s a little “remembrance” of the pain….but it’s so slight, I expect it to be gone in no time….this has only been a week : )  I get shown time and time again what a poison it is in my body, yet, I have gone back over and over.  Taking the phenylalanine has also helped because I’m afraid of taking too much….so that has kept me away from all of the diet soda pop.  I still have a few of the complaints that I had last week….but I am very hopeful from this week.

I got my blood re-tested for the lipoprotein a and it went down….only 5 points since January it was at 49 now it’s at 44, ideally it should be under 30….and it will be….but for now I’ll be happy that it’s moving in the right direction….I know that I wrote in here before that I believed that the aspartame could be contributing to it and I will get the blood test again in November….so I can put that theory to the test.

Do not ask the Lord to Guide your Footsteps if you are not willing to MOVE your Feet


This came attached to the bottom of an email I received today and really stuck out.

I’m getting rather embarrassed to keep talking about giving up Pepsi Max to just have to talk about it again because I have jumped back in and can’t seem to find my way out.  It makes me feel like a failure.  It’s comforting though to remember that I went through this same grooling pain with cigarettes, sugar free gum, (I was chewing a pack a day, had TMJ and was leaving little wads of wrapped up gum all over the house, my car, my purse….so classy ; ), the nicotine gum of course, coffee….although, that wasn’t a problem, God just seemed to take that one from me…..(but not the obsession for caffeine).  With alcohol, sugar and flour I was led to a 12 step group and haven’t had to turn back….of course I did need to get to extreme level of pain before I would take such a drastic move.

I was able to do all raw for 5 months….I did keep the caffeine though….Daniel fasts are an annual ritual…..so what gives with this Pepsi Max?  I’ll tell you.  It makes me feel happy.  We went to Florida in March and I got up to drinking about 2 liters a day, when we got home I was feeling the effects, (I’ll list them later because they’re back), so I tapered down and got completely off all caffeine….for about a week….then I had a frustration….part of life….and it sounded really good….so I had one….but that is never enough and I kept going until I’m at 2 liters a day again.  I’m eating mostly vegetarian, take supplements, exercise, meditate, do yoga….so many things to be healthy…..but then I go and wipe it all out with this….and the more I think of stopping, the more I want it…..kind of like the diet that’s going to start Monday so you binge all weekend on what you won’t be able to eat…..crazy.  So if it makes me feel happy and I’m doing all of the other healthy things….doesn’t it make sense that I could have this one little vice?  I always seem to convince myself of that.  If I’m totally honest though….and I need to be…..this is also what it’s giving me:

I get tons of energy and happy feelings when I first drink it….but then I enter crash mode several hours later…..and I never seem to get totally back up for the rest of the day….would you believe that I long for a new day to start so that I can start drinking it again?

My stomach is bloated and bigger….my clothes still fit….but it’s just different.  I feel full a lot of the time…..but hungry way before it’s time to eat…..the fat on my abs is weird, it’s dense yet squishy, yet thick….not really attractive….there’s not a lot….but what is there is yucky.

Heart burn

Muscle and joint pain, especially my knee and hip, I’ve gone to the chiropractor 3 times for it and they can’t fix it….I think it’s the chemicals in the soda pop.  My neck hurts in  a weird way too if I turn it in different directions.

My skin feels sticky at times….I think from my skin trying to detox this poison I’m putting into it….I’m sorry skin : (  My teeth feel soft and sticky when I’m drinking it too….funny since there isn’t any sugar in it.

I feel really bad about myself because I can’t get this under control….and I hate not being in control…..although sometimes it’s really fun to let loose….and this seems to let me do it….hey, maybe that’s a clue!  I knew it would help to talk to you : )

Okay, so here’s my new plan, (and I started today):

No Pepsi Max

500 mg of Phenylalanine a day, (it’s the amino acid in aspartame…..I think that my body may crave that), don’t take it yourself though without finding out if it’s okay for you.

Iced tea, (to replace the Pepsi Max), right now it has caffeine and green tea….I will taper this down gradually.

Everything else is the same.  I really want to get this monkey off my back….but I want to feel good and have fun….so I will make an effort to do something silly or fun…this is really just since I wrote it up there.

We get so many hits every day for the caffeine detox posts….please God, help us all who want to be free of it.  If you have successfully gotten this behind you, please let us know what you did, it appears to be quite an epidemic…..and God, go ahead and use me as an example….a happy, glad I did it example.

Happy Spring!!!


Wow, I can’t believe that it has been over a month since I’ve blogged!  Since I’ve last talked to you, Brett was home for his spring break…Alexis’s is after next week….and Eric and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary.  We went to Orlando for a week by ourselves, it was actually our first honeymoon.  When we first got married, Eric had just started a new job and we didn’t take the time off….then life just went full force ahead from there : )  I really felt a lot of gratitude on our trip, and it’s so nice to know that we can still have a great time with just the two of us.  We’ve grown together so much and have raised some amazing kids if I do say so myself : )   We had 3 vacations in one, shopping and just doing life in the sun, 2 days of theme parks and 2 days of Joyce Meyer….she’s awesome.  The last conference that I went to of hers, Dave, her husband talked about our country, our declaration and how we are quite far from our rights as citizens…..and how we really need to make ourselves aware of what those rights are and take back our country while we still can….it was very motivational and inspirational.  As our kids need us less and less now….time wise anyway…..we can start putting more time into community issues.  Eric went to a township meeting and I’m planning on going to a state meeting tomorrow on school funding….of course, they want to make more cuts…..that’s the last resource we want to cut….the education of our children….they are our future!  That’s where we’re starting anyway….then we will hopefully be led to help make a difference where we can.  I don’t want to make this the main focus of my life….but it definitely deserves some of my time and effort.

Another thing that I found out about is a possible genetic condition in my family called “lipoprotein a”.  It’s in the families with cholesterol, triglycerides, homocysteine….the fats.  For me, all of those levels are low and well within the normal ranges…I can thank this lifestyle for that : )  The lipoprotein a though is not routinely checked unless requested.  With my aunt, they found that she had high levels of this after she had a quadruple bypass….I believe that she had high cholesterol, but I’m not sure….but it sounds like this may have been what caused her heart problem….and like I said, it’s genetic….so everyone is having it checked.  Mine was 49 and it shouldn’t go over 30.  I had a stress test that didn’t come back completely clear and the doctor suggested a “nuclear medicine stress test”.  There isn’t medication that they are aware of to lower this.  I looked on the internet and found Linus Pauling and his protocol for lipoprotein a.  I told my doctor that I would like to try his protocol and get retested, she agreed.  I did make an appointment for the nuclear test, but when I received the paper work, I decided that I would like to wait and see if this changed things first….it has risks and is quite invasive….I’ll do it if I have to….but I’m going to check with her about waiting until the new blood tests come back first.  The book is called, “Practicing Medicine Without a License?”, if you have high cholesterol or the lp(a), it may be of interest to you.  I also need to face the Pepsi Max issue for real now.  I know that fat in your body will encase dangerous acidic materials in the body to protect it.  This major kick of caffeine quickly passes the blood/brain barrier to give me that instant zippitty do da feeling I love so very much….logically, it would seem that that could be a contributing factor too….so as much as I have been avoiding releasing this magical substance….the time has come.  When I first found out about this, I went off of all caffeine cold turkey….that lasted less than 24 hours.  I have been drinking about 2 liters of it a day and a zip fizz after breakfast….I know….crazy.  Lately too, I have noticed that it has been effecting my moods….anxiety, tension, agitation….and not as much thrill and joy.  I’m programmed to believe that it’s all or nothing with everything….and that is totally appropriate for some things….but not everything…..it may be appropriate for caffeine….but cold turkey isn’t effective for me.  Today, I have allowed myself 1-24 oz bottle of Pepsi Max and 1 Zip fizz….I’ve had 1/2 of both and am saving the other 1/2’s for after lunch….and I’m fine…..but we are only on day 1 : )  I am also allowing myself all of the tea that I want, (I just keep adding water to the same tea bag), and water of course….I do notice that when ever I go off of the caffeine…or lower it….I’m so thirsty….caffeine is really dehydrating.

Talk to you soon!  Have a great day!