I am! You know I just love the New Years resolutions : ) I am convinced now more than ever….that at least for me….I need to follow the “rules”. I need to write down my food for the next day, commit that to someone who will hold me accountable…follow that plan and not try to manipulate it. I have been successfully eating this way since 2/2005, no calorie counting, sometimes some obsession with food…because I am obsessive/compulsive : )….and a freedom and security that only comes with this kind of surrender. I have been wrestling with that surrender for several months….doing “research” I have heard it called….research is good. I have a program that allows me to see all of the nutritional value of every thing I eat along with how much more I can have if I do certain exercises. Although it is pretty cool, I have been focusing on that more than just following the same successful guidelines that worked so well for me before….I want total control….and of course, I want more….and it has made me a little crazy along with being in bondage to this system. My weight is actually up 5 lbs from this total control. I read this morning that, “We have found through much experience that no matter how long we abstain from eating compulsively, and no matter how adept we become at facing life’s problems, we will always have these abnormal tendencies with food”. I can see that. I am a nutrition consultant, I believe that that somehow gives me a special insight as to not following the rules of having an eating disorder that it won’t impact me any more, especially eating as healthy as I do….but that is part of the thinking that goes with the disorder….I need to remember that I have this tendency and that it can take over if I stop doing what I know I need to do….I am not exempt for any reason. It’s funny, I was asking God what to do next, the raw food diet, the food combining diet….the answer I got was that He showed me what was right for me 8 years ago….it hasn’t changed….I can do raw or food combining within those guidelines….but those are still very much the same…..and they work as well today as they did 8 years ago….and even though it’s just for today…which I have a tendency to forget….it is highly likely that these will still be my guidelines tomorrow as well….but I will worry about that tomorrow….no, not worry, surrender.
I’m starting January 1 with the Daniel Fast. Eric and I are doing it together with the church that we went to 8 years ago, I feel very excited about it and ready for an amazing 2013.
My sponsor called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me some shocking news….after 11 years in the 12 step group we were in for our eating disorder she needed to leave for her health. The structure was too confining for how she now needed to take care of herself…..it’s perfectly understandable. At that moment, I had a decision to make….get another sponsor or try it on my own. It didn’t take much thought. I have been very into the raw food lifestyle for several years now and that with my food plan worked somewhat well together but it was still pretty rigid and restrictive….which is what I needed 7 years ago and for the years following….I had gotten so far off….well….never truly on….a healthy living plan. The first couple of days were odd…exciting but scary. I ate my fruit between meals….it’s better to eat fruit alone on an empty stomach anyway….I ate 1/2 of an avocado on my salad…..I ate vegan chili without measuring every ingredient….I ate some raw oatmeal cookies…..I’ve been living like a normal….no, not normal….but healthy person. Sugar and flour are no doubt not things I want to go back to…or other harmful substances like pork or aspartame….I’m doing a cleanse right now so everything is vegan…..and I feel amazing! My energy level is great, my mood….there are no going to the bathroom problems….everything is working better than it ever has….I feel so free! What is really interesting to me is that I found this program after going on a Daniel Fast…which is what the cleanse is too….and I’m exiting it on one as well….it’s like God is leading me out. I really needed the intense structure to get on the right track….and I will definitely go back if I need to….but life is changing, Brett is moving to California, Alexis is going to school 9 1/2 hours from here….Eric and I are going to travel and we are on the next phase of our lives….I don’t want to be strapped to the food plan….but I do want to stay abstinent, healthy and at my ideal weight…..so far so good….I’m putting it….just like everything else….in God’s hands….and it always works out better than I imagined and in just the right way, form and timing.
I’m feeling really good. The plan was to go 21 days, then vegan for another 19…but I’m happy raw…and it’s January in Michigan! The cleansing group that I have been privileged to lead is doing so well, pounds have been dropping, but the best part is that people are feeling so good and are wanting to continue eating this way….they’re doing cooked and raw. Eric gave up his coffee again and could have had it back as of yesterday but chose not to : ) He looks good…his skin has a plumpness and glow to it that it didn’t before. Others have given up coffee too and you can see it in their faces. Alexis has been doing this with us from the beginning of the year and is still with it too…she completed her 21 days and took her real milk back and had a little chicken…but nothing processed…she likes how she feels too. One of the best parts with her was an answer to a prayer, actually two. She has been undecided on what direction to go in for college….major and school….about 2 weeks ago she was panicking about it, I asked her if she had been saying her prayers and did Reiki….no kidding, within 30 minutes she came running down the stairs all excited because she found a major that incorporated everything that she wanted to do and one of the schools that she was already accepted by had a top program in that area, she has been strong on that ever since. We haven’t actually visited this college yet because it’s 9 hours away : O….but she has read everything about it and has done every virtual tour available…. now instead of going somewhere warm and sunny for spring break, we will be going deeper into the heart of winter….another : O…but she loves snow.
It’s so heartwarming and motivating to see how cleansing with prayer and purpose impacts people. Someone following the blog, (Tif : ) even decided to give it a try.
I’ve had the same juices all 3 days so I didn’t re-post it. So far, so good. Yesterday was the most detoxifying….the second day usually is, I took another shower before I went to bed and felt so much better. I know I seem to say this every time I go on a cleanse…..but….that corn that shows up on my foot all the time was there again, and painful, it’s been painful for at least a month and I’ve been aware of it for longer….it’s gone! I feel like continuing the juicing for a while longer, the next couple of days are pretty busy and it feels easier to do that than to figure out what to eat, I feel like more will be released if I continue too….and I really don’t feel like eating yet….which is very strange for me so I want to honor what my body is telling me. Alexis has been doing this with me, I’m so impressed! She is going on a medical mission trip to Nicaragua with our church in February and also needs to pick her college, so praying and fasting are a really good thing for her right now. I’m also praying for her, I feel that God is leading her to the trip, and leading me to let her go….this is her 3rd one….but the first out of the country. There are 3 adults that we know well going and the leader has taken this trip over 20 times, she’s my baby and sometimes I can’t believe that I’m letting her do this, but then a calm will come over me…I’m really hoping that it’s God saying that everything will be okay….of course that is on the top of my prayer list too….along with both kids getting into the right colleges for them and other things. Eric started today. I have a group starting Friday and Monday….this is a great start to the year I must say : )
Here’s what I’m having today:
Breakfast: Green Magma Plus. 1 scoop Sun Warrior Raw Protein Powder, (vanilla), 8 oz blueberries and banana, 1 T maca powder, 1 T stevia, 1 T c hia seeds blended in about 16 oz water….oh, and a scoop of Irish Moss. (it’s a sea weed that you work with to make a gel….I tried it yesterday and it seemed to give me extra energy….I’ll see if I feel the same today).
Lunch: 2 C carrot and celery juice, 1/2 sweet potato juiced, 1 apple juiced, 1 lemon juiced….peel and all. 1 scoop Sun Warrior Raw Protein Powder, chocolate, 1 T chia seeds, 1 T Irish Moss.
Dinner: 3 C carrot, celery, beet and tomato juice, (I will heat it just to warm on the stove and add garlic, 1 t miso paste, 1/2 t raw honey, 1/2 T raw apple cider vinegar, sea salt, cayenne pepper), 1 scoop chocolate protein powder, 1 T chia, 1 T Irish Moss.
I’m starting with a 3 day juice fast, it re-boots the system and makes it easier to transition. There are buckwheat groats, sunflower seeds and a spicy seed mixture sprouting in my laundry room to be ready for Wednesday. There is also a jar of quinoa “rejuvelac” fermenting on my counter. See you tomorrow, have a great day!
I am feeling so full of gratitude and had to write again. This is my 6th Thanksgiving being abstinent….it will be 7 years, God willing in February. It is also my 6th Thanksgiving wearing 4’s, 2’s and even a size 0 : ) What a blessing to not have to worry about fitting into my clothes, and to not be on the emotional roller coaster of the highs and lows that go with compulsive eating….especially the lows! That is not the biggest blessing though. The biggest blessings keep coming, the spiritual awakenings….and I missed out on this when I was into the food because the food helped me to hide in my insecurities, try to be someone I wasn’t, I tried to live up to the expectations others had of me….or what I thought they had of me….and it made me absolutely crazy, I’m sure it was not picnic for the people around me either. This year was the most quiet Thanksgiving we have ever had, not the story book postcard holiday we have had in the past…yet, did we really even have them? There are definitely warm memories, and people that can never be replaced, but what I have have now is beyond the fairy tale….a friend of mine and I were recently discussing how Disney really did a number on us with the “happily ever after” stories….what I have is real, solid, and more valuable than gold. I have a husband of 23 years that loves me, we’ve been blending and merging for years, it’s been painful at times, but I think that we are more in the happily ever after than we ever were…and we never were…because, that’s not real : ) I have 2 of the most awesome children that I love dearly and they love me, their dad and each other. We are all healthy, intelligent, good people who are making a positive difference. We have overcome so much and have great things to look forward to. I find it so fascinating to find underlying drives and forces, they usually don’t feel good, and when they are exposed or removed….what an AWESOME feeling…I had one of those moments today. The more I live like this, the more that gets revealed, the more grateful I am and the more love, acceptance and freedom I feel. This is something I can’t do alone, and I don’t want to do alone. I am so grateful to God and everyone of you who are on this path with me….even if we aren’t on exactly the same path….we need each other and I am so grateful for you. Life just keeps getting better and better and better. Lots of Love and Blessings to you!