I am feeling so full of gratitude and had to write again. This is my 6th Thanksgiving being abstinent….it will be 7 years, God willing in February. It is also my 6th Thanksgiving wearing 4’s, 2’s and even a size 0 : ) What a blessing to not have to worry about fitting into my clothes, and to not be on the emotional roller coaster of the highs and lows that go with compulsive eating….especially the lows! That is not the biggest blessing though. The biggest blessings keep coming, the spiritual awakenings….and I missed out on this when I was into the food because the food helped me to hide in my insecurities, try to be someone I wasn’t, I tried to live up to the expectations others had of me….or what I thought they had of me….and it made me absolutely crazy, I’m sure it was not picnic for the people around me either. This year was the most quiet Thanksgiving we have ever had, not the story book postcard holiday we have had in the past…yet, did we really even have them? There are definitely warm memories, and people that can never be replaced, but what I have have now is beyond the fairy tale….a friend of mine and I were recently discussing how Disney really did a number on us with the “happily ever after” stories….what I have is real, solid, and more valuable than gold. I have a husband of 23 years that loves me, we’ve been blending and merging for years, it’s been painful at times, but I think that we are more in the happily ever after than we ever were…and we never were…because, that’s not real : ) I have 2 of the most awesome children that I love dearly and they love me, their dad and each other. We are all healthy, intelligent, good people who are making a positive difference. We have overcome so much and have great things to look forward to. I find it so fascinating to find underlying drives and forces, they usually don’t feel good, and when they are exposed or removed….what an AWESOME feeling…I had one of those moments today. The more I live like this, the more that gets revealed, the more grateful I am and the more love, acceptance and freedom I feel. This is something I can’t do alone, and I don’t want to do alone. I am so grateful to God and everyone of you who are on this path with me….even if we aren’t on exactly the same path….we need each other and I am so grateful for you. Life just keeps getting better and better and better. Lots of Love and Blessings to you!
It’s still 2 days away, but I wanted to make sure and wish you a very happy, healthy and abstinent Thanksgiving. Remember, food wise, it’s just another day….and you won’t have to feel stuffed and guilty. Food is not a recreation and we don’t need it to bond with people, or hide from them, have your favorite abstinent foods, teas, soda’s and gum if you would like. You are worth taking care of!
I’m reading “A Course In Miracles” right now. I bought it over 15 years ago and didn’t click with it. A study guide came past me a few weeks ago that intrigued me enough to pick it up again, now I look forward to my reading time with it every morning. It’s coming at a perfect time too, I need to start envisioning what I want next, (Alexis is graduating high school and going to college), and this book is jiving with me on doing that in such a productive way. It is also reminding me that there is only love and fear, everything is leaning in the direction of either one of those and if I’m in fear, I just need to ask for clear thinking…I’m making it sound really simple, and in a way, it is….at this point in my life anyway because I am open and ready for what it has to say.
There is anther book that just came out, “How We Did It”, by Nancy Kennedy, it’s about how people have lost weight and kept it off, there are many different stories and backgrounds, I am one of them : )
Just in case you are wondering, I am still free from Pepsi Max : )
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving full of love and light! I love you and I’m so glad that you are on this path with me!!!
Happy 4th Everyone! I think that this has been the most relaxing 4th of July I’ve ever had and I have with it a deep sense of peace. Brett and Alexis are out having fun with their friends swimming and seeing people, we had a nice family BBQ yesterday, went up north for a half a day and today spent pretty much all of it, (just Eric and me), out on the deck. The weather has been so beautiful!
I have had the book “The Sunfood Diet Success System” by David Wolfe for about 9 years or so. I found out about it from a woman in my meditation group whom I was also working with at the time….I remember reading that I could eat as much as I wanted as long as it was raw and lose weight….I was all for that! I tried it, I didn’t really read the book, just the part that said I could have as many avocados and mangos as I wanted….and I did….I didn’t lose weight. The book has pretty much been on the shelf since. As you know I have done the raw food diet since and have kept to 60-75% raw. I actually never did go 100% raw because I was using kefir and yogurt for protein and they are pasteurized, (cooked), but I still had some amazing results in my few short months of following it. Emotional baggage surfaced and left. Weight just fell off, which meant that I got to eat more. My energy was abundant. My outlook was very positive. I really enjoyed it…so why did I stop? Convenience. I didn’t want my life to be any more restrictive than it was with the no sugar no flour so I slowly started eating more and more cooked foods and more and more animal proteins….mostly eggs, yogurt and cheese…..sometimes chicken, fish or beef….but not much.
For the past few months the thought of doing it again will pop into my head with excitement….but then I think, no, it’s too much work and more restriction….and what I do is fine. I’m healthier than I have ever been, my weight is stable, I look better than I ever have, I’m happy, etc…why fix what isn’t broken? So I haven’t changed. Last week I took “Esoteric Healing II”, it’s more energy work….that really helped make some things really come together for me in so many ways…but that’s not why I’m talking about it. On the last day we did a meditation, and in this meditation where we connected with our Higher Selves and God, we also connected to a group of teachers….when you do energy work, you get spiritual help. In my meditation and in my “group”, I only saw one face, David Wolfe’s. I thought that was odd and really didn’t think much more about it. The next day the image was strong in my thoughts so I asked God if He were directing me to David Wolfe and raw foods….I got the feeling to go and find this book and read it….I usually comb the internet for information like that, he has a lot of You Tube videos, a web site….a couple of them actually….my point is that reading this book was the furthest thing from my mind….I have seen it, didn’t really get it…..and it’s huge….about an inch and a half thick….but I found it and started reading it. This time it has made perfect sense to me….a lot has changed over the past 9 years…..and this book is awesome! It also tied into the spiritual healing and work that I do….it connected more dot’s…..and it gave me the desire to do it again….it gave real meaning to it, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I also really appreciated how he goes about it in the book….slow but sure rather than and over night complete change then binge because it’s too much…..it just makes sense on all levels, more now than ever. I read the entire book this weekend….it’s actually a very good reading book. Now my intent is to go through it again and actually do the exercises he has at the end of the chapters as well as go more raw again. He says that if you do 95% raw, you get 95% results but if you do 100% raw, you get 1000% results….sounds like a great investment to me! I’m not going to do it over night though, I have more to learn on how I’m going to do it….but I have a good idea, Cea HOW rules are still the top priority.
I just wanted to share that with you and invite you to do this with me….and like always, I will be letting you know how it’s going : )
It has been a few days since I stopped the all raw….and it only was a few days, that’s all it took. I’m amazed, the gap has been closed, my questions answered and the road to follow is well lit….well enough for my next steps. I woke up a few mornings ago with the book, “Secrets of the Vine” on my mind. It’s a tiny little book by Bruce Wilkinson, the same author as “The Prayer of Jabez”. I found it in the bookcase in the basement, sat down and looked at it for a little while. The first chapter didn’t really seem to be clicking with me and I felt that I really should be doing something rather than reading a book, so I put it down and went to work. I thought about it a few more times throughout the morning then after lunch decided to look at it a little better on the deck….it was a good excuse to go out and sit in the sun : ) After just a few minutes, I was in awe. It was directly speaking to my confusion on an issue! An issue that was keeping me in a state of bondage really….something that I felt that I had control over, or that I needed to do something about to make “right”. The book shows how sometimes God is disciplining us, sometimes He’s pruning us and there comes a time where He just wants us to “hang” with Him….and like I said, it showed me where I was at….not only with the issue that I was not overcoming, but with where I’m at in life in general. It gave me a sense of peace and security that I haven’t felt in a while….exactly what I had asked for upon doing this fast.
I meditate regularly, in a group, 2-3 times a week. I watch Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, the Copelands, Joel Osteen and sometimes Charles Stanley and Greggory Dickkow…..daily. I do Reiki when I feel the need to….sometimes hours in a day, sometimes I won’t for a week. I have felt the need to give at least an hour a day to just “hang” with God, by reading the Bible and other books through the Hindu and Buddhism religions as well as Christian….I want to know God as well as I possibly can…..I want to know who He says He is….and the only way to do that is to spend time with Him….I would actually like to spend more than an hour a day with him…..but it feels self-indulgent…..so I deny myself….even the hour. Just over the past couple of days of doing it though, God has shown me, again, how everything else is so much easier when I put Him first, “seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added on to you”. He talks to me, I can hear Him, follow Him and reap the rewards. Eric is a tremendous support….he sees the benefits and expresses them…..that we all receive when I do this. This isn’t something new over the past few days….but it has been a “renewal”. I really need to stop getting in my own way : ) Life is Good!!!!
….and I feel good. I think that the phenylalanine is what I needed. I am still having caffeine in the form of iced tea and the zip fizz….but one thing at a time….it seems that when I just focus on releasing one thing at a time gently, it tends to stay released.
As usual when I give up a crutch, a defect or fear that I’ve been trying to hide from myself shows up….not consciously, but there….and I have received yet another gift. It makes me wonder if God is ever going to get finished cleaning me up : ) This was a gift through Al-anon. It was a way that I responded in fear trying to keep things under control just based on a tone of voice, fear of a situation, or the possibility of a situation. It got played out recently, but it’s so irrelevant to my life now and was negatively impacting my relationship with someone very important to me….I’m so grateful that this was shown to me and released.
There have been quite a few times now where I have had to completely surrender to God….it’s always been after tremendous struggle from trying to do things on my own first. Now there is just a quiet discontent, a slight disconnect….a longing for that closeness and enveloping security, freedom and joy that comes from this type of surrender…..and I want that feeling. I’ve been praying for God to show me the avenue to get that closeness and security again….there’s nothing bad happening….I just feel the drift and want to close the gap. It feels like raw food is the way to go, and I did it today, I’m going to do it again tomorrow, I’m not sure how long, but I will know when it’s up. Something feels ready to happen….something really good….I want all blockages removed, anything and everything that stands in between God and me. Oprah said on her last show that she just asked God to let her be of service and not cause any harm….and wow, look what He did through her! I would love to be of service and not cause harm….I know that when I’m in God’s will, I’m full of joy….so that is where I want to be, always.
I just got off the phone with a woman that was in our group and asked her how she had done. Our group fast ended January 24 and I hadn’t seen or talked to her since. She was having trouble with her thyroid at the start of the fast and was one of the things that she was asking God for help with….I do have her permission to tell you this : ) She had her blood work drawn and the doctor asked her what she was doing…her numbers were different…..and she had to lower her medication. The doctor was excited when my friend told her what she was doing…she had read about what animal products could do to our hormones….and here was some proof! She asked her to stay on this “diet” for 6 weeks and get her blood tested again…and my friend is doing that. She has also lost 25lbs since January 1! She did a 10 day Daniel fast before Thanksgiving to try it out and lost 10 lbs but gained it all back over the holidays. She re-lost the 10lbs she gained during the 3 day juice fast….this isn’t someone I would have called fat at all….it’s surprising that she has lost so much!
If you are doing the 40 days with me….technically, we’re done as of Wednesday….but between this story and what I’m reading in “The China Study”….I think I want to keep doing it. I may not be so rigid if I want to go out to eat and have to have some salmon or ranch dressing or something small once and a while….but this has me totally geeked and excited, I’m going to stick with it : )
I just love what comes to me during a fast. A few months ago I was given this book to read but because I was preparing for an open house with this person, I didn’t take the time to read it thoroughly, I was more focused on the event. This has just been “in my face” somehow to the point that I had to go out and get it yesterday. How fascinating! It’s about a professor at Cornell University…specializing in bio-medical research….Brett looked into that….but he seems to be more excited about electricity : ) He was brought up on a farm and totally believed in dairy, meat, eggs, etc….they even found a way to make the animal feed higher in protein. His goal was to make this even more refined, more protein rich…so they could eat more meat. He studied with 3rd world countries that were deficient in protein….amongst other things….and high in liver cancer, the conclusion was that they needed more protein. Through his research….and I’m only several chapters into it….he began seeing that the opposite was true…..protein….especially the protein in dairy products ignited the cancer and plant proteins shut it down. In the normal world….when I’m not on a Daniel Fast…..I live on yogurt….if you know my story, you know that cancer ran an ugly rampant race through my family. Alexis loves cream and milk….Brett loves milk on cereal…..Eric drinks a whey protein shake for lunch every day…..it does say that a small amount , (under 5% didn’t seem to be a problem), but some of what we are doing could lead to disaster. I find it so interesting that this comes at this point. As much as I love yogurt….and I do…..I don’t love it that much….I feel like this is a warning…..and sorry family….I’m going to shake things up again….I love you!!!!