Be Still and Know That I am God


Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10 was a strong message to me yesterday and today. We are now on our final cleanse of the year and honestly, I was feeling a little less motivated for this one than I did earlier in the year….wondering if I did too many to really reap the spiritual “rewards” because I wasn’t keeping it as sacred. When I got out of the shower yesterday morning, the list of my “prayers” from the summer fast were on the counter. I’m not quite sure how they got out there….it isn’t huge crazy thing because I keep prayer papers behind my clock there and it didn’t have far to slip out….but it did somehow. I read over the list….which was kind of like a list of chores really…..and felt a little indigent because none of them happened. I thought, “what’s up God, I did what I was supposed to….why didn’t you fulfill this list of demands here?” ha ha. Then I started to realize that I had it a little off….although I do pray for what ever I pray for “or better in the highest good of all concerned”….I was missing the mark a bit. The way that I have been doing this since 2005 is to list what I want help with then do the fasting and prayer….so many times what I have asked for or better comes either during or after….and it just clicks into place. So that led me to believe that my “works” of fasting, (Daniel fasting), while praying was “earning” me my desires….not so…although God does….and quite often….thanks God!….fulfill my needs and many desires. What I believe that I had mixed up was the process and the actual intent of that process. As I learned in “Experiencing God”, God will place a desire in our hearts, then we need his direction, guidance and grace to fulfill that desire. By fasting and praying I am removing the obstacles that are in my control….so that I can hear God, surrender to God and let Him show me what I need and what I want. It really does work so much better that way because He can see what I can’t even dream about because I’m not aware of it….I’ve been shown that so many times…..but I needed to be shown that again : )

This morning has been a beautiful, wonderful, magical awakening. I’ve been shown obstacles, misunderstandings and blockages that have impacted my beliefs…they are things that I haven’t been able to change on my own….and can’t change on my own….I need God to do it….I need(ed) to ask Him to do it….and I did. I said the prayers with Eric, it was quite powerful. I am also very aware of the things that He has already done in my life that I could never have done on my own. The safety, love and trust I feel right now is….I don’t want to say intoxicating because that is a negative word….but it’s an all encompassing, blissful pleasure that I don’t have a word to describe.

Be still and know that I am God reminds me that I just need to relax and spend time with Him so that I can hear Him….that is where I get my direction, I don’t have to work on it, I have to allow it, trust it, follow it…..that is swimming with the current rather than against it. Also, “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you“. Can it really be that easy? Yes! But it’s not easy to trust that and fall into the flow….that is the hard part….that is the part of surrender….that is what I was reminded to do. Life is so much better than I ever imagined that it could be….and that’s God’s doing….not mine. I know that I can gratefully trust Him with the rest.

Surprising News


My sponsor called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me some shocking news….after 11 years in the 12 step group we were in for our eating disorder she needed to leave for her health.  The structure was too confining for how she now needed to  take care of herself…..it’s perfectly understandable.   At that moment, I had a decision to make….get another sponsor or try it on my own.  It didn’t take much thought.  I have been very into the raw food lifestyle for several years now and that with my food plan worked somewhat well together but it was still pretty rigid and restrictive….which is what I needed 7 years ago and for the years following….I had gotten so far off….well….never truly on….a healthy living plan.  The first couple of days were odd…exciting but scary.  I ate my fruit between meals….it’s better to eat fruit alone on an empty stomach anyway….I ate 1/2 of an avocado on my salad…..I ate vegan chili without measuring every ingredient….I ate some raw oatmeal cookies…..I’ve been living like a normal….no, not normal….but healthy person.  Sugar and flour are no doubt not things I want to go back to…or other harmful substances like pork or aspartame….I’m doing a cleanse right now so everything is vegan…..and I feel amazing!  My energy level is great, my mood….there are no going to the bathroom problems….everything is working better than it ever has….I feel so free!  What is really interesting to me is that I found this program after going on  a Daniel Fast…which is what the cleanse is too….and I’m exiting it on one as well….it’s like God is leading me out.  I really needed the intense structure to get on the right track….and I will definitely go back if I need to….but life is changing, Brett is moving to California, Alexis is going to school 9 1/2 hours from here….Eric  and I are going to travel and we are on the next phase of our lives….I don’t want to be strapped to the food plan….but I do want to stay abstinent, healthy and at my ideal weight…..so far so good….I’m putting it….just like everything else….in God’s hands….and it always works out better than I imagined and in just the right way, form and timing.

I’m Sandee and I’m a raw foodist : )


It’s not just the way you eat, it’s a way of life.  I’m not 100%, although I was for the first 42 days of the year, but I am following it pretty well, I would say at least 90%…probably more.  I’m not all vegan at this point either, although we are going to do 4 cleanses this year and I will be then.  Eric still hasn’t had coffee!  That is so amazing….just as amazing as it was for me.  He too is drinking Teechino and it has really done the trick for him.  We are both having a Vitamin C drink that has some caffeine and ginseng in it…so we aren’t totally there…but  so much better.  We have had more strongholds released….that was VERY interesting….as a couple it’s interesting how we have issues that cross, things we knew were sore spots, but not the real reason why….and that have now been released.

Kid wise, this is an exciting time….a bit frightening….just the letting go part, I so love to be in control you know….I am really needing to trust God again….and He has proven to be quite trustworthy…and awesome : )  Alexis is flying out to Nicaragua tomorrow for the 10 day mission trip, I’m crossing every T and dotting every I, a little nervous, but I do have a sense of peace about it….I admit though that I can’t wait until they get back!  Brett is flying from coast to coast going to interviews for grad school, right now he’s at Cal Tech in sunny 80 degree weather, next week Boston, then back out to California….he is “living the life”.  Eric and I were talking this morning about one kid staying in a posh hotel getting shuttled around, fed, seeing exciting people in a beautiful atmosphere.   The other will be sleeping on  an air bed…also meeting exciting people, being fed and in a beautiful atmosphere….but completely different ends of the spectrum….and they are both extremely excited to be doing what they are doing.

I was watching a television sermon this week that is talking about if you had 30 days left to live, what would you do?  We played with that idea at our small group earlier this week…..aside from emptying our bank accounts and living it up…what would you do with that money, who would you do it with?  I also pondered the question of, “if I were to die today, what would I regret”…..the truth is, nothing.  When my Aunt Carole died….about 11 years ago….I did ponder that question….and I took it seriously.  My regrets at that point would have been that I missed anything with my kids…..I didn’t need to work, yet I had a good job, it was hard for my ego to let go of it….I pondered leaving it for a year before my aunt died but when she did after just turning 57, I decided not to ponder but to take action…I have no doubt in my mind that that wasn’t part of her plan…no one saw it coming, it was a real blow…and only the beginning unfortunately for more.  As tragic as that was, I am grateful for the gift of awareness and that I have done what I really wanted to do up to this point….I have so much more left to do….and I have received so many more gifts as a result of following my heart.   That helps me now that it is time for Brett and Alexis to begin their paths of who they are….and I want them to be everything God created them to be, I want them to follow their passion and live life to the fullest….and I can  trust God that He will be there for them everywhere and in everything….I have to.

Juice Fast, day 3


I’ve had the same juices all 3 days so I didn’t re-post it.   So far, so good.  Yesterday was the most detoxifying….the second day usually is, I took another shower before I went to bed and felt so much better.  I know I seem to say this every time I go on a cleanse…..but….that corn that shows up on my foot all the time was there again, and painful, it’s been painful for at least a month and I’ve been aware of it for longer….it’s gone!  I feel like continuing the juicing for a while longer, the next couple of days are pretty busy and it feels easier to do that than to figure out what to eat, I feel like more will be released if I continue too….and I really don’t feel like eating yet….which is very strange for me so I want to honor what my body is telling me.  Alexis has been doing this with me, I’m so impressed!  She is going on a medical mission trip to Nicaragua with our church in February and also needs to pick her college, so praying and fasting are a really good thing for her right now.  I’m also praying for her, I feel that God is leading her to the trip, and leading me to let her go….this is her 3rd one….but the first out of the country.  There are 3 adults that we know well going and the leader has taken this trip over 20 times, she’s my baby and sometimes I can’t believe that I’m letting her do this, but then a calm will come over me…I’m really hoping that it’s God saying that everything will be okay….of course that is on the top of my prayer list too….along with both kids getting into the right colleges for them and other things.  Eric started today.  I have a group starting Friday and Monday….this is a great start to the year I must say : )

I got to meet David Wolfe!!!!!!


David Wolfe came to Royal Oak Michigan this week…..what a treat!  I’m still buzzing.  I feel so renewed and inspired!  He really amazes me.  The event went from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. with breaks….but he didn’t take any…..and his stories about the day started with him driving the wrong way down a one way street in Detroit at 6 a.m…..and he had already been here going strong for 2 days.  What really amazed me other than his energy was that even though he didn’t get a break….for about 8 hours, he treated everyone that came up to see him with such warmth and genuine interest.  They are having another session today….I’m really bummed to miss it….but excited to be going to see the American Idols tonight : )  It was such an amazing day, I got to sit right in the front row….about 20 feet away from him most of the day…..and this guys energy is so awesome!  This is going to sound corny….but you can just feel the love : )  You can also feel the vibrancy, the enthusiasm….the honesty.  I’ve read his books….and bought 2 more….watched  the Longevity Conference…..I don’t know how many hours that is…..read much of his information on the web, watched You Tube and of course saw exerts from him in raw food movies…..but to be there in the energy…..priceless.  This conference too was filled with healthy, beautiful vibrant people….what I would expect people to be like following this life style……and I don’t mean beautiful in the superficial sense…..although many of them were…..this is going to sound corny too….but the inner beauty really radiated from them.  It was intoxicating, inspiring and motivating.  I ate the most wonderful food….just simple raw food, but put together in such a way that it was a privilege  to eat it.  I am trying to recreate both of them today.  The first was a simple cole slaw but it was served on lettuce with tomato and onions….(I still needed to have “special” food even at this : )  Other people were eating sprouted veggie burgers, fluffy tonic drinks, cookies, dehydrated crackers, parfaits with granola and fruit….yummy looking stuff.  I also had a kale salad with wasabi dressing….I’m making a trip out to the health food store this morning for the wasabi…..I really need to figure this recipe out!

My friend Barb went with me yesterday and when I brought her home, her wonderful husband met us at the car with two huge bag full of fresh vegetables that he just got out of the garden….including cabbage and onion….so with my added organic carrots that I had….I’m expecting that my cole slaw that I just made to be amazing : )  Another discovery I had this week was chia seeds….you know, the stuff our kids put on those little ceramic animals to grow hair?  Well, apparently they are quite the power house when it comes to nutrition….they swell up and form a type of gel that has the consistency of tapioca, they also have no taste of their own but enhance what ever they are added to….so you can expect some chia stuff coming soon : )

Well, I’m going to read some of “Amazing Grace” by David Wolfe….and Nick Good before heading out to the store and back on a higher raw “liveit” : )  That’s what David Wolfe calls it….a liveit instead of a diet  (die-it : )  Have your most awesome day ever!

Happy 4th of July and “The Sunfood Diet Success System”


Happy 4th Everyone!  I think that this has been the most relaxing 4th of July I’ve ever had and I have with it a deep sense of peace.  Brett and Alexis are out having fun with their friends swimming and seeing people, we had a nice family BBQ yesterday, went up north for a half a day and today spent pretty much all of it, (just Eric and me), out on the deck.  The weather has been so beautiful!

I have had the book “The Sunfood Diet Success System” by David Wolfe for about 9 years or so.  I found out about it from a woman in my meditation group whom I was also working with at the time….I remember reading that I could eat as much as I wanted as long as it was raw and lose weight….I was all for that!  I tried it, I didn’t really read the book, just the part that said I could have as many avocados and mangos as I wanted….and I did….I didn’t lose weight.  The book has pretty much been on the shelf since.  As you know I have done the raw food diet since and have kept to 60-75% raw.  I actually never did go 100% raw because I was using kefir and yogurt for protein and they are pasteurized, (cooked), but I still had some amazing results in my few short months of following it.  Emotional baggage surfaced and left.  Weight just fell off, which meant that I got to eat more.  My energy was abundant.  My outlook was very positive.  I really enjoyed it…so why did I stop?  Convenience.  I didn’t want my life to be any more restrictive than it was with the no sugar no flour so I slowly started eating more and more cooked foods and more and more animal proteins….mostly eggs, yogurt and cheese…..sometimes chicken, fish or beef….but not much.

For the past few months the thought of doing it again will pop into my head with excitement….but then I think, no, it’s too much work and more restriction….and what I do is fine.   I’m healthier than I have ever been, my weight is stable, I look better than I ever have, I’m happy, etc…why fix what isn’t broken?  So I haven’t changed.  Last week I took “Esoteric Healing II”, it’s more energy work….that really helped make some things really come together for me in so many ways…but that’s not why I’m talking about it.  On the last day we did a meditation, and in this meditation where we connected with our Higher Selves and God, we also connected to a group of teachers….when you do energy work, you get spiritual help.  In my meditation and in my “group”, I only saw one face, David Wolfe’s.  I thought that was odd and really didn’t think much more about it.  The next day the image was strong in my thoughts so I asked God if He were directing me to David Wolfe and raw foods….I got the feeling to go and find this book and read it….I usually comb the internet for information like that, he has a lot of You Tube videos, a web site….a couple of them actually….my point is that reading this book was the furthest thing from my mind….I have seen it, didn’t really get it…..and it’s huge….about an inch and a half thick….but I found it and started reading it.  This time it has made perfect sense to me….a lot has changed over the past 9 years…..and this book is awesome!  It also tied into the spiritual healing and work that I do….it connected more dot’s…..and it gave me the desire to do it again….it gave real meaning to it, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  I also really appreciated how he goes about it in the book….slow but sure rather than and over night complete change then binge because it’s too much…..it just makes sense on all levels, more now than ever.  I read the entire book this weekend….it’s actually a very good reading book.  Now my intent is to go through it again and actually do the exercises he has at the end of the chapters as well as go more raw again.  He says that if you do 95% raw, you get 95% results but if you do 100% raw, you get 1000% results….sounds like a great investment to me!  I’m not going to do it over night though, I have more to learn on how I’m going to do it….but I have a good idea, Cea HOW rules are still the top priority.

I just wanted to share that with you and invite you to do this with me….and like always, I will be letting you know how it’s going : )

4 weeks off Pepsi Max!!!


….and I feel good.  I think that the phenylalanine is what I needed.  I am still having caffeine in the form of iced tea and the zip fizz….but one thing at a time….it seems that when I just focus on releasing one thing at a time gently, it tends to stay released.

As usual when I give up a crutch, a defect or fear that I’ve been trying to hide from myself shows up….not consciously, but there….and I have received yet another gift.  It makes me wonder if God is ever going to get finished cleaning me up : )  This was a gift through Al-anon.  It was a way that I responded in fear trying to keep things under control just based on a tone of voice, fear of a situation, or the possibility of a situation.  It got played out recently, but it’s so irrelevant to my life now and was negatively impacting my relationship with someone very important to me….I’m so grateful that this was shown to me and released.

There have been quite a few times now where I have had to completely surrender to God….it’s always been after tremendous struggle from trying to do things on my own first.  Now there is just a quiet discontent, a slight disconnect….a longing for that closeness and enveloping security, freedom and joy that comes from this type of surrender…..and I want that feeling.  I’ve been praying for God to show me the avenue to get that closeness and security again….there’s nothing bad happening….I just feel the drift and want to close the gap.  It feels like raw food is the way to go, and I did it today, I’m going to do it again tomorrow, I’m not sure how long, but I will know when it’s up.  Something feels ready to happen….something really good….I want all blockages removed, anything and everything that stands in between God and me.  Oprah said on her last show that she just asked God to let her be of service and not cause any harm….and wow, look what He did through her!   I would love to be of service and not cause harm….I know that when I’m in God’s will, I’m full of joy….so that is where I want to be, always.