Be Still and Know That I am God


Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10 was a strong message to me yesterday and today. We are now on our final cleanse of the year and honestly, I was feeling a little less motivated for this one than I did earlier in the year….wondering if I did too many to really reap the spiritual “rewards” because I wasn’t keeping it as sacred. When I got out of the shower yesterday morning, the list of my “prayers” from the summer fast were on the counter. I’m not quite sure how they got out there….it isn’t huge crazy thing because I keep prayer papers behind my clock there and it didn’t have far to slip out….but it did somehow. I read over the list….which was kind of like a list of chores really…..and felt a little indigent because none of them happened. I thought, “what’s up God, I did what I was supposed to….why didn’t you fulfill this list of demands here?” ha ha. Then I started to realize that I had it a little off….although I do pray for what ever I pray for “or better in the highest good of all concerned”….I was missing the mark a bit. The way that I have been doing this since 2005 is to list what I want help with then do the fasting and prayer….so many times what I have asked for or better comes either during or after….and it just clicks into place. So that led me to believe that my “works” of fasting, (Daniel fasting), while praying was “earning” me my desires….not so…although God does….and quite often….thanks God!….fulfill my needs and many desires. What I believe that I had mixed up was the process and the actual intent of that process. As I learned in “Experiencing God”, God will place a desire in our hearts, then we need his direction, guidance and grace to fulfill that desire. By fasting and praying I am removing the obstacles that are in my control….so that I can hear God, surrender to God and let Him show me what I need and what I want. It really does work so much better that way because He can see what I can’t even dream about because I’m not aware of it….I’ve been shown that so many times…..but I needed to be shown that again : )

This morning has been a beautiful, wonderful, magical awakening. I’ve been shown obstacles, misunderstandings and blockages that have impacted my beliefs…they are things that I haven’t been able to change on my own….and can’t change on my own….I need God to do it….I need(ed) to ask Him to do it….and I did. I said the prayers with Eric, it was quite powerful. I am also very aware of the things that He has already done in my life that I could never have done on my own. The safety, love and trust I feel right now is….I don’t want to say intoxicating because that is a negative word….but it’s an all encompassing, blissful pleasure that I don’t have a word to describe.

Be still and know that I am God reminds me that I just need to relax and spend time with Him so that I can hear Him….that is where I get my direction, I don’t have to work on it, I have to allow it, trust it, follow it…..that is swimming with the current rather than against it. Also, “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you“. Can it really be that easy? Yes! But it’s not easy to trust that and fall into the flow….that is the hard part….that is the part of surrender….that is what I was reminded to do. Life is so much better than I ever imagined that it could be….and that’s God’s doing….not mine. I know that I can gratefully trust Him with the rest.

Total Recall


Alexis works at a movie theater and treated the family to a movie the other night.  I don’t like violent or loud movies but wanted to spend some family time with them and thought that this may be alright….the description sounded interesting….well, it is violent and loud….and dreary….I did find it interesting though.  Don’t read any more if you want to watch it and haven’t yet….wait until you see it : )  He started out by having nightmares and visions of someone he was losing, then he woke up with his “loving wife”.  He worked on an assembly line and was passed up for a promotion and made the comment that he would never get off the line.  Out of his boredom, but against the advise of someone close to him, (who later turned out to be a hidden enemy)….but prompted by someone he worked with, he went to this “total recall” place where he could buy memories….a thrilling escape from reality….where you could be anyone you want, do anything you want….you get the picture….the only catch was that it couldn’t have any connection or reality to the person receiving the “memory”.  When the character went under it was discovered that he did identify with being a spy….his fantasy….but unknown to him….his reality.  It continues to unfold as he discovers talents and abilities he possesses that he wasn’t aware of….he has allies that he wasn’t aware of…..and enemy’s that were in the form of a close friend and his wife….both placed in his life to defeat him…..or perhaps to bring out his strengths.  I think that sometimes we are thrown into situations that strengthen us, show us what we are made of…..without the conflict we wouldn’t know what was in us to bring about a new harmony.  What if that is what life really is?  An uncovering, a treasure hunt of what is within.  I have heard for years that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, that we have lessons set up in our lifetime to evolve our souls….to balance karmic debt….to grow.  How fascinating that we may be here to uncover the truth, that we are so much more than we realize….just step out into your fantasy and watch it evolve….see who you are, what you are capable of.  Who would you be if you let go of the insecurities?  Of the unconscious bondage’s of what you think that you can’t do, have, be?  Maybe you don’t have to let go of them first….maybe they come off as you move forward…..weather you choose to or not.

When Michelangelo finished sculpting the David, many people asked him how he created this masterful work of art. His response: “It’s simple. I took away everything that wasn’t the David.”

Our lives can be our masterpieces if we can learn to chisel away at the thoughts and choices that don’t contribute to our sense of authenticity and balance.

What is in your life that isn’t you?  Let it go.  You are a magnificent, beautiful masterpiece, period.

I’m Sandee and I’m a raw foodist : )


It’s not just the way you eat, it’s a way of life.  I’m not 100%, although I was for the first 42 days of the year, but I am following it pretty well, I would say at least 90%…probably more.  I’m not all vegan at this point either, although we are going to do 4 cleanses this year and I will be then.  Eric still hasn’t had coffee!  That is so amazing….just as amazing as it was for me.  He too is drinking Teechino and it has really done the trick for him.  We are both having a Vitamin C drink that has some caffeine and ginseng in it…so we aren’t totally there…but  so much better.  We have had more strongholds released….that was VERY interesting….as a couple it’s interesting how we have issues that cross, things we knew were sore spots, but not the real reason why….and that have now been released.

Kid wise, this is an exciting time….a bit frightening….just the letting go part, I so love to be in control you know….I am really needing to trust God again….and He has proven to be quite trustworthy…and awesome : )  Alexis is flying out to Nicaragua tomorrow for the 10 day mission trip, I’m crossing every T and dotting every I, a little nervous, but I do have a sense of peace about it….I admit though that I can’t wait until they get back!  Brett is flying from coast to coast going to interviews for grad school, right now he’s at Cal Tech in sunny 80 degree weather, next week Boston, then back out to California….he is “living the life”.  Eric and I were talking this morning about one kid staying in a posh hotel getting shuttled around, fed, seeing exciting people in a beautiful atmosphere.   The other will be sleeping on  an air bed…also meeting exciting people, being fed and in a beautiful atmosphere….but completely different ends of the spectrum….and they are both extremely excited to be doing what they are doing.

I was watching a television sermon this week that is talking about if you had 30 days left to live, what would you do?  We played with that idea at our small group earlier this week…..aside from emptying our bank accounts and living it up…what would you do with that money, who would you do it with?  I also pondered the question of, “if I were to die today, what would I regret”…..the truth is, nothing.  When my Aunt Carole died….about 11 years ago….I did ponder that question….and I took it seriously.  My regrets at that point would have been that I missed anything with my kids…..I didn’t need to work, yet I had a good job, it was hard for my ego to let go of it….I pondered leaving it for a year before my aunt died but when she did after just turning 57, I decided not to ponder but to take action…I have no doubt in my mind that that wasn’t part of her plan…no one saw it coming, it was a real blow…and only the beginning unfortunately for more.  As tragic as that was, I am grateful for the gift of awareness and that I have done what I really wanted to do up to this point….I have so much more left to do….and I have received so many more gifts as a result of following my heart.   That helps me now that it is time for Brett and Alexis to begin their paths of who they are….and I want them to be everything God created them to be, I want them to follow their passion and live life to the fullest….and I can  trust God that He will be there for them everywhere and in everything….I have to.

Juice Fast, day 3


I’ve had the same juices all 3 days so I didn’t re-post it.   So far, so good.  Yesterday was the most detoxifying….the second day usually is, I took another shower before I went to bed and felt so much better.  I know I seem to say this every time I go on a cleanse…..but….that corn that shows up on my foot all the time was there again, and painful, it’s been painful for at least a month and I’ve been aware of it for longer….it’s gone!  I feel like continuing the juicing for a while longer, the next couple of days are pretty busy and it feels easier to do that than to figure out what to eat, I feel like more will be released if I continue too….and I really don’t feel like eating yet….which is very strange for me so I want to honor what my body is telling me.  Alexis has been doing this with me, I’m so impressed!  She is going on a medical mission trip to Nicaragua with our church in February and also needs to pick her college, so praying and fasting are a really good thing for her right now.  I’m also praying for her, I feel that God is leading her to the trip, and leading me to let her go….this is her 3rd one….but the first out of the country.  There are 3 adults that we know well going and the leader has taken this trip over 20 times, she’s my baby and sometimes I can’t believe that I’m letting her do this, but then a calm will come over me…I’m really hoping that it’s God saying that everything will be okay….of course that is on the top of my prayer list too….along with both kids getting into the right colleges for them and other things.  Eric started today.  I have a group starting Friday and Monday….this is a great start to the year I must say : )

Lindenwood Retreat Center


I just spent a wonderful weekend at the Lindenwood Retreat Center, (lindenwood.org), in Indiana.  I had no expectations, I brought some books and just went with the flow.  The retreat theme was on giving our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him, it didn’t matter what if any religious background you came from, and asking for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.  I was happily surprised at how deeply I felt God.  I feel like yet another chunk has been removed and in it’s place there is light, and a very serene sense of peace and trust.

My life is in a tradition phase with both kids graduating to a new level….I’m so excited for both of them.  For the past 21 years, my life has been centered around them, and I am so grateful for that, so grateful.  I never saw myself as a stay-at-home mom or wife before I did it….I think that it appealed to me, but I never would have admitted it….it just wasn’t cool or sophisticated.  This is an area that I prayed and surrendered to God….and he came through!  I trusted him, followed him, and the results are amazing!  What’s funny is that even with that knowledge I somehow feel that I have to be in control of the future and all of the categories of my life, I have an idea of what is good for me, and I need to take care of business, but I don’t see the whole picture.  I was reminded though, that God does.  He is aware of my husband, my kids, my home, all of my many groups, activities and needs…..I also saw that I am a high maintenance girl : )….He knows what I am to contribute to the world next.  When ever I let go…..and sometimes I really have an iron grip on things….He makes it turn out so well….it all flows, nothing is left out….nothing that is supposed to be there anyway….he will clean out clutter and debris……it all makes sense and is deeply satisfying.  I have heard many times lately how our destiny isn’t some big, unfamiliar thing out there somewhere….it’s what we are already doing, what we already get joy  from, we just need to do it more and do it better….I can do that.

Happy 4th of July and “The Sunfood Diet Success System”


Happy 4th Everyone!  I think that this has been the most relaxing 4th of July I’ve ever had and I have with it a deep sense of peace.  Brett and Alexis are out having fun with their friends swimming and seeing people, we had a nice family BBQ yesterday, went up north for a half a day and today spent pretty much all of it, (just Eric and me), out on the deck.  The weather has been so beautiful!

I have had the book “The Sunfood Diet Success System” by David Wolfe for about 9 years or so.  I found out about it from a woman in my meditation group whom I was also working with at the time….I remember reading that I could eat as much as I wanted as long as it was raw and lose weight….I was all for that!  I tried it, I didn’t really read the book, just the part that said I could have as many avocados and mangos as I wanted….and I did….I didn’t lose weight.  The book has pretty much been on the shelf since.  As you know I have done the raw food diet since and have kept to 60-75% raw.  I actually never did go 100% raw because I was using kefir and yogurt for protein and they are pasteurized, (cooked), but I still had some amazing results in my few short months of following it.  Emotional baggage surfaced and left.  Weight just fell off, which meant that I got to eat more.  My energy was abundant.  My outlook was very positive.  I really enjoyed it…so why did I stop?  Convenience.  I didn’t want my life to be any more restrictive than it was with the no sugar no flour so I slowly started eating more and more cooked foods and more and more animal proteins….mostly eggs, yogurt and cheese…..sometimes chicken, fish or beef….but not much.

For the past few months the thought of doing it again will pop into my head with excitement….but then I think, no, it’s too much work and more restriction….and what I do is fine.   I’m healthier than I have ever been, my weight is stable, I look better than I ever have, I’m happy, etc…why fix what isn’t broken?  So I haven’t changed.  Last week I took “Esoteric Healing II”, it’s more energy work….that really helped make some things really come together for me in so many ways…but that’s not why I’m talking about it.  On the last day we did a meditation, and in this meditation where we connected with our Higher Selves and God, we also connected to a group of teachers….when you do energy work, you get spiritual help.  In my meditation and in my “group”, I only saw one face, David Wolfe’s.  I thought that was odd and really didn’t think much more about it.  The next day the image was strong in my thoughts so I asked God if He were directing me to David Wolfe and raw foods….I got the feeling to go and find this book and read it….I usually comb the internet for information like that, he has a lot of You Tube videos, a web site….a couple of them actually….my point is that reading this book was the furthest thing from my mind….I have seen it, didn’t really get it…..and it’s huge….about an inch and a half thick….but I found it and started reading it.  This time it has made perfect sense to me….a lot has changed over the past 9 years…..and this book is awesome!  It also tied into the spiritual healing and work that I do….it connected more dot’s…..and it gave me the desire to do it again….it gave real meaning to it, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  I also really appreciated how he goes about it in the book….slow but sure rather than and over night complete change then binge because it’s too much…..it just makes sense on all levels, more now than ever.  I read the entire book this weekend….it’s actually a very good reading book.  Now my intent is to go through it again and actually do the exercises he has at the end of the chapters as well as go more raw again.  He says that if you do 95% raw, you get 95% results but if you do 100% raw, you get 1000% results….sounds like a great investment to me!  I’m not going to do it over night though, I have more to learn on how I’m going to do it….but I have a good idea, Cea HOW rules are still the top priority.

I just wanted to share that with you and invite you to do this with me….and like always, I will be letting you know how it’s going : )

Secrets of the Vine


It has been a few days since I stopped the all raw….and it only was a few days, that’s all it took.  I’m amazed, the gap has been closed, my questions answered and the road to follow is well lit….well enough for my next steps.    I woke up a few mornings ago with the book, “Secrets of the Vine” on my mind.  It’s a tiny little book by Bruce Wilkinson, the same author as “The Prayer of Jabez”.  I found it in the bookcase in the basement, sat down and looked at it for a little while.  The first chapter didn’t really seem to be clicking with me and I felt that I really should be doing something rather than reading a book, so I put it down and went to work.  I thought about it a few more times throughout the morning then after lunch decided to look at it a little better on the deck….it was a good excuse to go out and sit in the sun : )  After just a few minutes, I was in awe.  It was directly speaking to my confusion on an issue!  An issue that was keeping me in a state of bondage really….something that I felt that I had control over, or that I needed to do something about to make “right”.  The book shows how sometimes God is disciplining us, sometimes He’s pruning us and there comes a time where He just wants us to “hang” with Him….and like I said, it showed me where I was at….not only with the issue that I was not overcoming, but with where I’m at in life in general.  It gave me a sense of peace and security that I haven’t felt in a while….exactly what I had asked for upon doing this fast.

I meditate regularly, in a group, 2-3 times a week.  I watch Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, the Copelands, Joel Osteen and sometimes Charles Stanley and Greggory Dickkow…..daily.  I do Reiki when I feel the need to….sometimes hours in a day, sometimes I won’t for a week.  I have felt the need to give at least an hour a day to just “hang” with God, by reading the Bible and other books through the Hindu and Buddhism religions as well as Christian….I want to know God as well as I possibly can…..I want to know who He says He is….and the only way to do that is to spend time with Him….I would actually like to spend more than an hour a day with him…..but it feels self-indulgent…..so I deny myself….even the hour.  Just over the past couple of days of doing it though, God has shown me, again, how everything else is so much easier when I put Him first, “seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added on to you”.   He talks to me, I can hear Him, follow Him and reap the rewards.  Eric is a tremendous support….he sees the benefits and expresses them…..that we all receive when I do this.  This isn’t something new over the past few days….but it has been a “renewal”.  I really need to stop getting in my own way : )  Life is Good!!!!