It has been a few days since I stopped the all raw….and it only was a few days, that’s all it took. I’m amazed, the gap has been closed, my questions answered and the road to follow is well lit….well enough for my next steps. I woke up a few mornings ago with the book, “Secrets of the Vine” on my mind. It’s a tiny little book by Bruce Wilkinson, the same author as “The Prayer of Jabez”. I found it in the bookcase in the basement, sat down and looked at it for a little while. The first chapter didn’t really seem to be clicking with me and I felt that I really should be doing something rather than reading a book, so I put it down and went to work. I thought about it a few more times throughout the morning then after lunch decided to look at it a little better on the deck….it was a good excuse to go out and sit in the sun : ) After just a few minutes, I was in awe. It was directly speaking to my confusion on an issue! An issue that was keeping me in a state of bondage really….something that I felt that I had control over, or that I needed to do something about to make “right”. The book shows how sometimes God is disciplining us, sometimes He’s pruning us and there comes a time where He just wants us to “hang” with Him….and like I said, it showed me where I was at….not only with the issue that I was not overcoming, but with where I’m at in life in general. It gave me a sense of peace and security that I haven’t felt in a while….exactly what I had asked for upon doing this fast.
I meditate regularly, in a group, 2-3 times a week. I watch Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, the Copelands, Joel Osteen and sometimes Charles Stanley and Greggory Dickkow…..daily. I do Reiki when I feel the need to….sometimes hours in a day, sometimes I won’t for a week. I have felt the need to give at least an hour a day to just “hang” with God, by reading the Bible and other books through the Hindu and Buddhism religions as well as Christian….I want to know God as well as I possibly can…..I want to know who He says He is….and the only way to do that is to spend time with Him….I would actually like to spend more than an hour a day with him…..but it feels self-indulgent…..so I deny myself….even the hour. Just over the past couple of days of doing it though, God has shown me, again, how everything else is so much easier when I put Him first, “seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added on to you”. He talks to me, I can hear Him, follow Him and reap the rewards. Eric is a tremendous support….he sees the benefits and expresses them…..that we all receive when I do this. This isn’t something new over the past few days….but it has been a “renewal”. I really need to stop getting in my own way : ) Life is Good!!!!
….and I feel good. I think that the phenylalanine is what I needed. I am still having caffeine in the form of iced tea and the zip fizz….but one thing at a time….it seems that when I just focus on releasing one thing at a time gently, it tends to stay released.
As usual when I give up a crutch, a defect or fear that I’ve been trying to hide from myself shows up….not consciously, but there….and I have received yet another gift. It makes me wonder if God is ever going to get finished cleaning me up : ) This was a gift through Al-anon. It was a way that I responded in fear trying to keep things under control just based on a tone of voice, fear of a situation, or the possibility of a situation. It got played out recently, but it’s so irrelevant to my life now and was negatively impacting my relationship with someone very important to me….I’m so grateful that this was shown to me and released.
There have been quite a few times now where I have had to completely surrender to God….it’s always been after tremendous struggle from trying to do things on my own first. Now there is just a quiet discontent, a slight disconnect….a longing for that closeness and enveloping security, freedom and joy that comes from this type of surrender…..and I want that feeling. I’ve been praying for God to show me the avenue to get that closeness and security again….there’s nothing bad happening….I just feel the drift and want to close the gap. It feels like raw food is the way to go, and I did it today, I’m going to do it again tomorrow, I’m not sure how long, but I will know when it’s up. Something feels ready to happen….something really good….I want all blockages removed, anything and everything that stands in between God and me. Oprah said on her last show that she just asked God to let her be of service and not cause any harm….and wow, look what He did through her! I would love to be of service and not cause harm….I know that when I’m in God’s will, I’m full of joy….so that is where I want to be, always.
For many of you, yesterday marked your 21st day. Remember, this isn’t the end, it’s only the beginning. You gave God the beginning of your year, now see what He will do with the rest. From my experience….and of course I had to learn this the hard way : )….it’s best to start with the lighter animal products first like eggs and yogurt, then fish and chicken, then beef….and not too many different ones in the first few days. If you really want a heavier protein, it will digest better if you don’t eat a grain with it.
This has been a very exciting and satisfying experience for me because Eric did it with me….I’m looking forward to seeing what God does through us as a couple…..I’m looking forward to it very much. He has had personal revelation, no caffeine….and it has been a good thing, and his abs are firm and rock hard again….He’s never been fat, but he was getting a little soft there…not any more!
As I said earlier, I want to do it for 40 days this time and you are so welcome to join me…..If you are at the end…..that’s great! Thank you for walking this path with me. I would/will love to hear how it has impacted you.
This morning while I was watching Joyce Meyer….I watch her, Creflo Dollar and KCM every morning….I was feeling pressure in my chest to the point of getting worried. I was planning on washing floors today after doing yoga. I did Reiki on myself, said a prayer….it didn’t go away. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t do what I was planning….but I still went up to do some really slow and gentle yoga. Within about 5 minutes all of the pressure was gone and energy was flowing smoothly and freely throughout my body….I did the entire hour and feel like a million bucks. The past 2 1/2 days have been such a relief….literally….and today is my 21st day! After reading about what 40 days can do fasting wise, I’m going to continue for that amount. The gratitude, hope and longing to get closer and go further is so huge in me right now….I haven’t felt this good in a long time….now off to do the glamorous job of washing the floors : )
I have washed the floors now….and it does feel good….maybe even a little glamorous….I have some pretty pink rubber gloves with hearts all over them : ) I listened to Tony Robbins while I was doing it….I forgot how motivating he is! He is definitely one of my hero’s. I have had this set of tapes for probably over 15 years….and yes, they are tapes, I had to go and find a player to listen to them….maybe I’ve had them longer, he says that he’s 29 on this recording…..I think that he’s several years older than me….and I just turned 44. I have the 30 day “Personal Power” and the “Get the Edge” series….they have both been so valuable over the years….Tony is on my list of people that I have to meet in my life time! Well, I have some more work to do before I go and get my massage….now that IS glamorous!!!!
…and I wanted to share it with you, especially if you are doing the Daniel Fast. I have had a sour stomach for a couple of days….I admitted earlier that I didn’t give up my Pepsi Max, but I’m praying to find out what the deal is with that…..so I thought the sour stomach was from the pop…soda for you non-Michiganders : ). Tonight was my meditation and it was so sour before I went in that I was wondering if I should. This is going to be a little graphic….so be warned….I used the restroom as usual and everything was normal…not that I was checking, this is just for later explanation. During the meditation I had so much trouble staying with it, physically I even had trouble sitting up right, but I did, I could barely hear what the leader was saying and I had a tremendous and powerful energy around me the entire time. When the meditation was finished….and I didn’t hear any of it….I went to use the rest room before going home….it was bright yellow….like when you take B vitamins….but I hadn’t taken any and it was normal just before….it was also bright yellow again when I got home….and I feel good! Eric had the same thing happen last week but he didn’t have a stomach ache.
I wonder if it has anything to do with the emotional energy that was released before. The stomach is the sacral chakra….and loads of energy from emotions and other people is stored there…..I find this to be amazing…..it was very noticeable on the emotional level and the physical level seemed to follow.
I received this message verse from a friend this morning who is also doing the fast. I must admit, this has been one of the harder fasts for me, not food wise, but emotionally. I have felt a big dark cloud over me quite a bit of the time….I blame it on the winter blues, but I think that there was more. I also felt guilty for feeling this way since I’m leading a group and believe that I need to have it all together and perfected….ha! The purpose is to let go and draw closer to God….let Him in to do some spring cleaning….and you know what spring cleaning looks like….everything has to come out of the cupboards and closets to clean….all of the cupboards and closets….but it looks like a trashed mess during the process….if you are doing a thorough job. Even if you spring clean every year….clutter and dust still seems to build up during the year….no big deal….just clean it up….but I don’t want anyone to know that I have messy cupboards and closets….I only want them to see them after they have been cleaned….and most people only do see them clean. Someone even made reference to that last week, that she felt like she was being uncluttered and wondered how food could have such an impact. Eric is really noticing a difference too….this has been amazing to have him doing it with me this time….I feel like it will have an even bigger impact on our lives….it has made a major and positive impact on our marriage.
Every area has been reorganizing, resurfacing and restructuring….and it hasn’t felt very good….until now. The issues that have come up have been healed at a level so deep and so wide that it could only have been from God….and getting out of the way to let him in. One of the things I am fasting for is my purpose in life. Alexis will be graduating from high school next year and I have been freaking out about what I’m going to do….yet I don’t want to waste what time I have left with her at this stage….it’s not replaceable….as you have witnessed a bit from my blog : ) I’m 20 days into my fast right now….and the cogs are going into place. I’m seeing glimpses of where I will be….and it’s wonderful, sunny and very fulfilling…..actually I have been seeing it for years but I just wonder sometimes if my dreams may be too big, too much of a pipe dream. I don’t know how I’m going to get there from here….and I don’t need to know….God has been showing me all morning how He has taken me from glory to glory my entire life….none of seemed possible when He first showed me the visions….none of them…..and there have been many…..and they have been big….everything that I have been shown since I was a child about where I would be, my “fantasies and day dreams”, have all come true! What seemed like a fantasy and different realm of existence became comfortable and normal. I was going to go into detail….but this blog would be way too long…..the message is that this will be no different, my passion for life has been renewed : )
God is no respecter of persons, what He does for one, He will do for the other. What is He trying to show you? Are you letting go? Are you letting Him spring clean….or are you too afraid to open the closet? Don’t be afraid….it will feel so wonderful to have it cleaned out!
I was very ill over the weekend….I thought that it was the flu….but I don’t usually get sick even when people around me are sick. I was using a medicated cream also at the time and the adverse side effects were similar to the flu so I stopped using it….I feel a lot better now what ever it was. I have also felt very introspective during this fast. Usually something is revealed to me during a fast….I don’t think that there ever was one where I didn’t receive revelation….weather I was looking for it or not. Now I’m pretty much to the point of just turning it over to God and asking for insight and guidance….I did still make a list of prayers….but I’m totally surrendering to God. Since I am feeling so introspective, I’m not going to really go into detail with it at this point, but I’m very aware of God and that He is here…..I feel like major shifts are taking place. I just wanted to let you know that I was still with you…..are you still with me?