End of Daniel Fast


Yesterday was day 40 of the Daniel Fast. This has been another amazing experience. With each year and each fast I move closer and closer to living like that on a daily basis rather than just for a time period….but there is something very special about committing that time with God. I love to dwell in His presence….but I feel like I can never get close enough. We had a chihuahua….Jack….he was such a good snuggler…..but he could never seem to get close enough….he would be right next to me…..smashed up as close as possible but he would still wiggle and push to get even closer…..that’s how I feel with God….there are moments of comfort….then I start to wiggle and push to get even closer….and that feels good.

I’m having some really wonderful experiences…..spirit led experiences. Eric and I are taking a class on “the blood covenant”….it sounds pretty mystical and magical….and it is! It’s really powerful….really exciting…..really enlightening. My spiritual life has seemed to be all over the place….and it has…..like a puzzle….there are pieces that you don’t think could possibly be a part of the same picture….and seem as if they are even on opposing ends….yet the more the picture comes together, the more clear and amazing it is how it all works together….it’s all a part of the same picture….even when it seemed as though I was going in the opposite direction….and the picture is so vast and more beautiful than I thought it could be….and it’s still just coming into light….”I ain’t seen nothin’ yet”. I have also been reminded that some good things are in my life permanently and some aren’t….or I just need to take my focus on the next right thing….the right thing for me to progress….for me to become who I was created to be….and it is all okay if I follow God….God’s direction for my life….if I don’t, things just get uncomfortable until I do…but as soon as I do they are comfortable and exciting again.

One of my amazing things….well this has been coming into view for many years….but it seems as though there is extra light and extra energy when I’m doing this fast….and the addict in me wants it 24/7….and of course, more, more, more….actually I think that the wanting of more, more, more is really the void that only God can fill and I will continue to want more until it is filled by Him. Oh dear, I do believe that I’m becoming fanatical….oh well : ) Back to my amazing thing….Reiki. I have been working with this energy since 1997 and it has been quite the experience. I can’t even begin to compute the amount of hours I have spent working with this, receiving information…from God…then applying it…then receiving more and applying that as well. Over the past 7 years I seem to have been in an intensive training with this learning how to attune places, people, times, chakra’s, clearing emotions, energy blocks….some really cool stuff. During this fast a woman was sent to me by a mutual friend, someone that I have never met….(I still haven’t met her, this was all done as distance healing….but we talked on the phone), she was sent to me to heal one thing….which we did….but by applying the lessons that God has taught me….it went deeper and wider than was apparent…it has been such a beautiful experience……and I believe a validating experience….I will just keep going forward and will know by the results….I will know by the fruit : )

I have so much more that I have learned or have been enlightened about….like faith….what it is….I thought I had it…and I did/do….but my understanding of it is so much more clear and it’s clear in a way that is powerful, active and profound. Actually so much has been coming to me over the past few months that I haven’t written about that I hope to. I’ll admit, I’ve been a little bit shy about putting things on here….I think too much about who will read it and what they will think….but that creates a block….when I’m real….cool things happen : )

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Be Still and Know That I am God


Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10 was a strong message to me yesterday and today. We are now on our final cleanse of the year and honestly, I was feeling a little less motivated for this one than I did earlier in the year….wondering if I did too many to really reap the spiritual “rewards” because I wasn’t keeping it as sacred. When I got out of the shower yesterday morning, the list of my “prayers” from the summer fast were on the counter. I’m not quite sure how they got out there….it isn’t huge crazy thing because I keep prayer papers behind my clock there and it didn’t have far to slip out….but it did somehow. I read over the list….which was kind of like a list of chores really…..and felt a little indigent because none of them happened. I thought, “what’s up God, I did what I was supposed to….why didn’t you fulfill this list of demands here?” ha ha. Then I started to realize that I had it a little off….although I do pray for what ever I pray for “or better in the highest good of all concerned”….I was missing the mark a bit. The way that I have been doing this since 2005 is to list what I want help with then do the fasting and prayer….so many times what I have asked for or better comes either during or after….and it just clicks into place. So that led me to believe that my “works” of fasting, (Daniel fasting), while praying was “earning” me my desires….not so…although God does….and quite often….thanks God!….fulfill my needs and many desires. What I believe that I had mixed up was the process and the actual intent of that process. As I learned in “Experiencing God”, God will place a desire in our hearts, then we need his direction, guidance and grace to fulfill that desire. By fasting and praying I am removing the obstacles that are in my control….so that I can hear God, surrender to God and let Him show me what I need and what I want. It really does work so much better that way because He can see what I can’t even dream about because I’m not aware of it….I’ve been shown that so many times…..but I needed to be shown that again : )

This morning has been a beautiful, wonderful, magical awakening. I’ve been shown obstacles, misunderstandings and blockages that have impacted my beliefs…they are things that I haven’t been able to change on my own….and can’t change on my own….I need God to do it….I need(ed) to ask Him to do it….and I did. I said the prayers with Eric, it was quite powerful. I am also very aware of the things that He has already done in my life that I could never have done on my own. The safety, love and trust I feel right now is….I don’t want to say intoxicating because that is a negative word….but it’s an all encompassing, blissful pleasure that I don’t have a word to describe.

Be still and know that I am God reminds me that I just need to relax and spend time with Him so that I can hear Him….that is where I get my direction, I don’t have to work on it, I have to allow it, trust it, follow it…..that is swimming with the current rather than against it. Also, “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you“. Can it really be that easy? Yes! But it’s not easy to trust that and fall into the flow….that is the hard part….that is the part of surrender….that is what I was reminded to do. Life is so much better than I ever imagined that it could be….and that’s God’s doing….not mine. I know that I can gratefully trust Him with the rest.

I’m Sandee and I’m a raw foodist : )


It’s not just the way you eat, it’s a way of life.  I’m not 100%, although I was for the first 42 days of the year, but I am following it pretty well, I would say at least 90%…probably more.  I’m not all vegan at this point either, although we are going to do 4 cleanses this year and I will be then.  Eric still hasn’t had coffee!  That is so amazing….just as amazing as it was for me.  He too is drinking Teechino and it has really done the trick for him.  We are both having a Vitamin C drink that has some caffeine and ginseng in it…so we aren’t totally there…but  so much better.  We have had more strongholds released….that was VERY interesting….as a couple it’s interesting how we have issues that cross, things we knew were sore spots, but not the real reason why….and that have now been released.

Kid wise, this is an exciting time….a bit frightening….just the letting go part, I so love to be in control you know….I am really needing to trust God again….and He has proven to be quite trustworthy…and awesome : )  Alexis is flying out to Nicaragua tomorrow for the 10 day mission trip, I’m crossing every T and dotting every I, a little nervous, but I do have a sense of peace about it….I admit though that I can’t wait until they get back!  Brett is flying from coast to coast going to interviews for grad school, right now he’s at Cal Tech in sunny 80 degree weather, next week Boston, then back out to California….he is “living the life”.  Eric and I were talking this morning about one kid staying in a posh hotel getting shuttled around, fed, seeing exciting people in a beautiful atmosphere.   The other will be sleeping on  an air bed…also meeting exciting people, being fed and in a beautiful atmosphere….but completely different ends of the spectrum….and they are both extremely excited to be doing what they are doing.

I was watching a television sermon this week that is talking about if you had 30 days left to live, what would you do?  We played with that idea at our small group earlier this week…..aside from emptying our bank accounts and living it up…what would you do with that money, who would you do it with?  I also pondered the question of, “if I were to die today, what would I regret”…..the truth is, nothing.  When my Aunt Carole died….about 11 years ago….I did ponder that question….and I took it seriously.  My regrets at that point would have been that I missed anything with my kids…..I didn’t need to work, yet I had a good job, it was hard for my ego to let go of it….I pondered leaving it for a year before my aunt died but when she did after just turning 57, I decided not to ponder but to take action…I have no doubt in my mind that that wasn’t part of her plan…no one saw it coming, it was a real blow…and only the beginning unfortunately for more.  As tragic as that was, I am grateful for the gift of awareness and that I have done what I really wanted to do up to this point….I have so much more left to do….and I have received so many more gifts as a result of following my heart.   That helps me now that it is time for Brett and Alexis to begin their paths of who they are….and I want them to be everything God created them to be, I want them to follow their passion and live life to the fullest….and I can  trust God that He will be there for them everywhere and in everything….I have to.

Juice Fast, day 3


I’ve had the same juices all 3 days so I didn’t re-post it.   So far, so good.  Yesterday was the most detoxifying….the second day usually is, I took another shower before I went to bed and felt so much better.  I know I seem to say this every time I go on a cleanse…..but….that corn that shows up on my foot all the time was there again, and painful, it’s been painful for at least a month and I’ve been aware of it for longer….it’s gone!  I feel like continuing the juicing for a while longer, the next couple of days are pretty busy and it feels easier to do that than to figure out what to eat, I feel like more will be released if I continue too….and I really don’t feel like eating yet….which is very strange for me so I want to honor what my body is telling me.  Alexis has been doing this with me, I’m so impressed!  She is going on a medical mission trip to Nicaragua with our church in February and also needs to pick her college, so praying and fasting are a really good thing for her right now.  I’m also praying for her, I feel that God is leading her to the trip, and leading me to let her go….this is her 3rd one….but the first out of the country.  There are 3 adults that we know well going and the leader has taken this trip over 20 times, she’s my baby and sometimes I can’t believe that I’m letting her do this, but then a calm will come over me…I’m really hoping that it’s God saying that everything will be okay….of course that is on the top of my prayer list too….along with both kids getting into the right colleges for them and other things.  Eric started today.  I have a group starting Friday and Monday….this is a great start to the year I must say : )

Happy Thanksgiving again!


I am feeling so full of gratitude and had to write again.  This is my 6th Thanksgiving being abstinent….it will be 7 years, God willing in February.  It is also my 6th Thanksgiving wearing 4’s, 2’s and even a size 0 : )  What a blessing to not have to worry about fitting into my clothes, and to not be on the emotional roller coaster of the highs and lows that go with compulsive eating….especially the lows!  That is not the biggest blessing though.  The biggest blessings keep coming, the spiritual awakenings….and I missed out on this when I was into the food because the food helped me to hide in my insecurities, try to be someone I wasn’t, I tried to live up to the expectations others had of me….or what I thought they had of me….and it made me absolutely crazy, I’m sure it was not picnic for the people around me either.  This year was the most quiet Thanksgiving we have ever had, not the story book postcard holiday we have had in the past…yet, did we really even have them?  There are definitely warm memories, and people that can never be replaced, but what I have have now is beyond the fairy tale….a friend of mine and I were recently discussing how Disney really did a number on us with the “happily ever after” stories….what I have is real, solid, and more valuable than gold.  I have a husband of 23 years that loves me, we’ve been blending and merging for years, it’s been painful at times, but I think that we are more in the happily ever after than we ever were…and we never were…because, that’s not real : )  I have 2 of the most awesome children that I love dearly and they love me, their dad and each other.  We are all healthy, intelligent, good people who are making a positive difference.  We have overcome so  much and have great things to look forward to.  I find it so fascinating to find underlying drives and forces, they usually don’t feel good, and when they are exposed or removed….what an AWESOME feeling…I had one of those moments today.  The more I live like this, the more that gets revealed, the more grateful I am and the more love, acceptance and freedom I feel.  This is something I can’t do alone, and I don’t want to do alone.  I am so grateful to God and everyone of you who are on this path with me….even if we aren’t on exactly the same path….we need each other and I am so grateful for you.  Life just keeps getting better and better and better.  Lots of Love and Blessings to you!

Lindenwood Retreat Center


I just spent a wonderful weekend at the Lindenwood Retreat Center, (lindenwood.org), in Indiana.  I had no expectations, I brought some books and just went with the flow.  The retreat theme was on giving our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him, it didn’t matter what if any religious background you came from, and asking for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.  I was happily surprised at how deeply I felt God.  I feel like yet another chunk has been removed and in it’s place there is light, and a very serene sense of peace and trust.

My life is in a tradition phase with both kids graduating to a new level….I’m so excited for both of them.  For the past 21 years, my life has been centered around them, and I am so grateful for that, so grateful.  I never saw myself as a stay-at-home mom or wife before I did it….I think that it appealed to me, but I never would have admitted it….it just wasn’t cool or sophisticated.  This is an area that I prayed and surrendered to God….and he came through!  I trusted him, followed him, and the results are amazing!  What’s funny is that even with that knowledge I somehow feel that I have to be in control of the future and all of the categories of my life, I have an idea of what is good for me, and I need to take care of business, but I don’t see the whole picture.  I was reminded though, that God does.  He is aware of my husband, my kids, my home, all of my many groups, activities and needs…..I also saw that I am a high maintenance girl : )….He knows what I am to contribute to the world next.  When ever I let go…..and sometimes I really have an iron grip on things….He makes it turn out so well….it all flows, nothing is left out….nothing that is supposed to be there anyway….he will clean out clutter and debris……it all makes sense and is deeply satisfying.  I have heard many times lately how our destiny isn’t some big, unfamiliar thing out there somewhere….it’s what we are already doing, what we already get joy  from, we just need to do it more and do it better….I can do that.

Happy 4th of July and “The Sunfood Diet Success System”


Happy 4th Everyone!  I think that this has been the most relaxing 4th of July I’ve ever had and I have with it a deep sense of peace.  Brett and Alexis are out having fun with their friends swimming and seeing people, we had a nice family BBQ yesterday, went up north for a half a day and today spent pretty much all of it, (just Eric and me), out on the deck.  The weather has been so beautiful!

I have had the book “The Sunfood Diet Success System” by David Wolfe for about 9 years or so.  I found out about it from a woman in my meditation group whom I was also working with at the time….I remember reading that I could eat as much as I wanted as long as it was raw and lose weight….I was all for that!  I tried it, I didn’t really read the book, just the part that said I could have as many avocados and mangos as I wanted….and I did….I didn’t lose weight.  The book has pretty much been on the shelf since.  As you know I have done the raw food diet since and have kept to 60-75% raw.  I actually never did go 100% raw because I was using kefir and yogurt for protein and they are pasteurized, (cooked), but I still had some amazing results in my few short months of following it.  Emotional baggage surfaced and left.  Weight just fell off, which meant that I got to eat more.  My energy was abundant.  My outlook was very positive.  I really enjoyed it…so why did I stop?  Convenience.  I didn’t want my life to be any more restrictive than it was with the no sugar no flour so I slowly started eating more and more cooked foods and more and more animal proteins….mostly eggs, yogurt and cheese…..sometimes chicken, fish or beef….but not much.

For the past few months the thought of doing it again will pop into my head with excitement….but then I think, no, it’s too much work and more restriction….and what I do is fine.   I’m healthier than I have ever been, my weight is stable, I look better than I ever have, I’m happy, etc…why fix what isn’t broken?  So I haven’t changed.  Last week I took “Esoteric Healing II”, it’s more energy work….that really helped make some things really come together for me in so many ways…but that’s not why I’m talking about it.  On the last day we did a meditation, and in this meditation where we connected with our Higher Selves and God, we also connected to a group of teachers….when you do energy work, you get spiritual help.  In my meditation and in my “group”, I only saw one face, David Wolfe’s.  I thought that was odd and really didn’t think much more about it.  The next day the image was strong in my thoughts so I asked God if He were directing me to David Wolfe and raw foods….I got the feeling to go and find this book and read it….I usually comb the internet for information like that, he has a lot of You Tube videos, a web site….a couple of them actually….my point is that reading this book was the furthest thing from my mind….I have seen it, didn’t really get it…..and it’s huge….about an inch and a half thick….but I found it and started reading it.  This time it has made perfect sense to me….a lot has changed over the past 9 years…..and this book is awesome!  It also tied into the spiritual healing and work that I do….it connected more dot’s…..and it gave me the desire to do it again….it gave real meaning to it, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  I also really appreciated how he goes about it in the book….slow but sure rather than and over night complete change then binge because it’s too much…..it just makes sense on all levels, more now than ever.  I read the entire book this weekend….it’s actually a very good reading book.  Now my intent is to go through it again and actually do the exercises he has at the end of the chapters as well as go more raw again.  He says that if you do 95% raw, you get 95% results but if you do 100% raw, you get 1000% results….sounds like a great investment to me!  I’m not going to do it over night though, I have more to learn on how I’m going to do it….but I have a good idea, Cea HOW rules are still the top priority.

I just wanted to share that with you and invite you to do this with me….and like always, I will be letting you know how it’s going : )