Yesterday was day 40 of the Daniel Fast. This has been another amazing experience. With each year and each fast I move closer and closer to living like that on a daily basis rather than just for a time period….but there is something very special about committing that time with God. I love to dwell in His presence….but I feel like I can never get close enough. We had a chihuahua….Jack….he was such a good snuggler…..but he could never seem to get close enough….he would be right next to me…..smashed up as close as possible but he would still wiggle and push to get even closer…..that’s how I feel with God….there are moments of comfort….then I start to wiggle and push to get even closer….and that feels good.
I’m having some really wonderful experiences…..spirit led experiences. Eric and I are taking a class on “the blood covenant”….it sounds pretty mystical and magical….and it is! It’s really powerful….really exciting…..really enlightening. My spiritual life has seemed to be all over the place….and it has…..like a puzzle….there are pieces that you don’t think could possibly be a part of the same picture….and seem as if they are even on opposing ends….yet the more the picture comes together, the more clear and amazing it is how it all works together….it’s all a part of the same picture….even when it seemed as though I was going in the opposite direction….and the picture is so vast and more beautiful than I thought it could be….and it’s still just coming into light….”I ain’t seen nothin’ yet”. I have also been reminded that some good things are in my life permanently and some aren’t….or I just need to take my focus on the next right thing….the right thing for me to progress….for me to become who I was created to be….and it is all okay if I follow God….God’s direction for my life….if I don’t, things just get uncomfortable until I do…but as soon as I do they are comfortable and exciting again.
One of my amazing things….well this has been coming into view for many years….but it seems as though there is extra light and extra energy when I’m doing this fast….and the addict in me wants it 24/7….and of course, more, more, more….actually I think that the wanting of more, more, more is really the void that only God can fill and I will continue to want more until it is filled by Him. Oh dear, I do believe that I’m becoming fanatical….oh well : ) Back to my amazing thing….Reiki. I have been working with this energy since 1997 and it has been quite the experience. I can’t even begin to compute the amount of hours I have spent working with this, receiving information…from God…then applying it…then receiving more and applying that as well. Over the past 7 years I seem to have been in an intensive training with this learning how to attune places, people, times, chakra’s, clearing emotions, energy blocks….some really cool stuff. During this fast a woman was sent to me by a mutual friend, someone that I have never met….(I still haven’t met her, this was all done as distance healing….but we talked on the phone), she was sent to me to heal one thing….which we did….but by applying the lessons that God has taught me….it went deeper and wider than was apparent…it has been such a beautiful experience……and I believe a validating experience….I will just keep going forward and will know by the results….I will know by the fruit : )
I have so much more that I have learned or have been enlightened about….like faith….what it is….I thought I had it…and I did/do….but my understanding of it is so much more clear and it’s clear in a way that is powerful, active and profound. Actually so much has been coming to me over the past few months that I haven’t written about that I hope to. I’ll admit, I’ve been a little bit shy about putting things on here….I think too much about who will read it and what they will think….but that creates a block….when I’m real….cool things happen : )
I am! You know I just love the New Years resolutions : ) I am convinced now more than ever….that at least for me….I need to follow the “rules”. I need to write down my food for the next day, commit that to someone who will hold me accountable…follow that plan and not try to manipulate it. I have been successfully eating this way since 2/2005, no calorie counting, sometimes some obsession with food…because I am obsessive/compulsive : )….and a freedom and security that only comes with this kind of surrender. I have been wrestling with that surrender for several months….doing “research” I have heard it called….research is good. I have a program that allows me to see all of the nutritional value of every thing I eat along with how much more I can have if I do certain exercises. Although it is pretty cool, I have been focusing on that more than just following the same successful guidelines that worked so well for me before….I want total control….and of course, I want more….and it has made me a little crazy along with being in bondage to this system. My weight is actually up 5 lbs from this total control. I read this morning that, “We have found through much experience that no matter how long we abstain from eating compulsively, and no matter how adept we become at facing life’s problems, we will always have these abnormal tendencies with food”. I can see that. I am a nutrition consultant, I believe that that somehow gives me a special insight as to not following the rules of having an eating disorder that it won’t impact me any more, especially eating as healthy as I do….but that is part of the thinking that goes with the disorder….I need to remember that I have this tendency and that it can take over if I stop doing what I know I need to do….I am not exempt for any reason. It’s funny, I was asking God what to do next, the raw food diet, the food combining diet….the answer I got was that He showed me what was right for me 8 years ago….it hasn’t changed….I can do raw or food combining within those guidelines….but those are still very much the same…..and they work as well today as they did 8 years ago….and even though it’s just for today…which I have a tendency to forget….it is highly likely that these will still be my guidelines tomorrow as well….but I will worry about that tomorrow….no, not worry, surrender.
I’m starting January 1 with the Daniel Fast. Eric and I are doing it together with the church that we went to 8 years ago, I feel very excited about it and ready for an amazing 2013.
Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10 was a strong message to me yesterday and today. We are now on our final cleanse of the year and honestly, I was feeling a little less motivated for this one than I did earlier in the year….wondering if I did too many to really reap the spiritual “rewards” because I wasn’t keeping it as sacred. When I got out of the shower yesterday morning, the list of my “prayers” from the summer fast were on the counter. I’m not quite sure how they got out there….it isn’t huge crazy thing because I keep prayer papers behind my clock there and it didn’t have far to slip out….but it did somehow. I read over the list….which was kind of like a list of chores really…..and felt a little indigent because none of them happened. I thought, “what’s up God, I did what I was supposed to….why didn’t you fulfill this list of demands here?” ha ha. Then I started to realize that I had it a little off….although I do pray for what ever I pray for “or better in the highest good of all concerned”….I was missing the mark a bit. The way that I have been doing this since 2005 is to list what I want help with then do the fasting and prayer….so many times what I have asked for or better comes either during or after….and it just clicks into place. So that led me to believe that my “works” of fasting, (Daniel fasting), while praying was “earning” me my desires….not so…although God does….and quite often….thanks God!….fulfill my needs and many desires. What I believe that I had mixed up was the process and the actual intent of that process. As I learned in “Experiencing God”, God will place a desire in our hearts, then we need his direction, guidance and grace to fulfill that desire. By fasting and praying I am removing the obstacles that are in my control….so that I can hear God, surrender to God and let Him show me what I need and what I want. It really does work so much better that way because He can see what I can’t even dream about because I’m not aware of it….I’ve been shown that so many times…..but I needed to be shown that again : )
This morning has been a beautiful, wonderful, magical awakening. I’ve been shown obstacles, misunderstandings and blockages that have impacted my beliefs…they are things that I haven’t been able to change on my own….and can’t change on my own….I need God to do it….I need(ed) to ask Him to do it….and I did. I said the prayers with Eric, it was quite powerful. I am also very aware of the things that He has already done in my life that I could never have done on my own. The safety, love and trust I feel right now is….I don’t want to say intoxicating because that is a negative word….but it’s an all encompassing, blissful pleasure that I don’t have a word to describe.
Be still and know that I am God reminds me that I just need to relax and spend time with Him so that I can hear Him….that is where I get my direction, I don’t have to work on it, I have to allow it, trust it, follow it…..that is swimming with the current rather than against it. Also, “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you“. Can it really be that easy? Yes! But it’s not easy to trust that and fall into the flow….that is the hard part….that is the part of surrender….that is what I was reminded to do. Life is so much better than I ever imagined that it could be….and that’s God’s doing….not mine. I know that I can gratefully trust Him with the rest.
Hi! It’s been a while. Both kids have gone to their colleges….I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it….but it’s really okay. I love this “google face time”. We can see them when we talk to them, we can see things that they are seeing, it’s very cool.
Brett had an interesting time going out to California. He decided to go on “tour”….he went to Chicago first to visit a friend then flew to N.Y. to visit some other friends for a few days….he organized it like lay overs….when he was going from N.Y. to San Fransisco the flight was over booked, he volunteered to take the next flight. In return they gave him a voucher for more than he spent on the ticket, let him hang out in the frequent flyers club enjoying the free snacks, drinks, comfy chairs, WiFi and separate bathrooms and when he got on his flight, they took him to 1st class and treated him like a king….not a bad deal at all : )
A couple of weeks before Brett left, we all took Alexis to her school and got her settled as snug as a bug before we left. She loves her school and her major…..and God knew what he was doing when he set her up with her room mate….they get along like 2 peas in a pod….and that’s pretty much the size of their room…..they did deck it out princess style though with floating lights, canopy’s and happy decorations. I feel good about both kids….it took a while though….and I’m so grateful for the regular contact!
We are now on our 4th and final cleanse of the year. As I am writing this I am on day 3 in the evening…..and really looking forward to food again tomorrow….but I feel good. I even treated myself to a facial at dinner time and didn’t miss the food at all : ) This is also my second gall bladder cleanse and I’m excited to see what that produces in the morning. I did the first one about a month ago and saw approximately one cup of “stones” in the bottom of the toilet. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, the liver holds anger and the gall bladder the ability to move forward….I want that all out of me thank you very much….as well as the physical benefits.
If you have done the gall bladder/liver cleanse, please post your experience here and how you did it….there are quite a few ways of doing it.
Alexis works at a movie theater and treated the family to a movie the other night. I don’t like violent or loud movies but wanted to spend some family time with them and thought that this may be alright….the description sounded interesting….well, it is violent and loud….and dreary….I did find it interesting though. Don’t read any more if you want to watch it and haven’t yet….wait until you see it : ) He started out by having nightmares and visions of someone he was losing, then he woke up with his “loving wife”. He worked on an assembly line and was passed up for a promotion and made the comment that he would never get off the line. Out of his boredom, but against the advise of someone close to him, (who later turned out to be a hidden enemy)….but prompted by someone he worked with, he went to this “total recall” place where he could buy memories….a thrilling escape from reality….where you could be anyone you want, do anything you want….you get the picture….the only catch was that it couldn’t have any connection or reality to the person receiving the “memory”. When the character went under it was discovered that he did identify with being a spy….his fantasy….but unknown to him….his reality. It continues to unfold as he discovers talents and abilities he possesses that he wasn’t aware of….he has allies that he wasn’t aware of…..and enemy’s that were in the form of a close friend and his wife….both placed in his life to defeat him…..or perhaps to bring out his strengths. I think that sometimes we are thrown into situations that strengthen us, show us what we are made of…..without the conflict we wouldn’t know what was in us to bring about a new harmony. What if that is what life really is? An uncovering, a treasure hunt of what is within. I have heard for years that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, that we have lessons set up in our lifetime to evolve our souls….to balance karmic debt….to grow. How fascinating that we may be here to uncover the truth, that we are so much more than we realize….just step out into your fantasy and watch it evolve….see who you are, what you are capable of. Who would you be if you let go of the insecurities? Of the unconscious bondage’s of what you think that you can’t do, have, be? Maybe you don’t have to let go of them first….maybe they come off as you move forward…..weather you choose to or not.
When Michelangelo finished sculpting the David, many people asked him how he created this masterful work of art. His response: “It’s simple. I took away everything that wasn’t the David.”
Our lives can be our masterpieces if we can learn to chisel away at the thoughts and choices that don’t contribute to our sense of authenticity and balance.
What is in your life that isn’t you? Let it go. You are a magnificent, beautiful masterpiece, period.
My sponsor called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me some shocking news….after 11 years in the 12 step group we were in for our eating disorder she needed to leave for her health. The structure was too confining for how she now needed to take care of herself…..it’s perfectly understandable. At that moment, I had a decision to make….get another sponsor or try it on my own. It didn’t take much thought. I have been very into the raw food lifestyle for several years now and that with my food plan worked somewhat well together but it was still pretty rigid and restrictive….which is what I needed 7 years ago and for the years following….I had gotten so far off….well….never truly on….a healthy living plan. The first couple of days were odd…exciting but scary. I ate my fruit between meals….it’s better to eat fruit alone on an empty stomach anyway….I ate 1/2 of an avocado on my salad…..I ate vegan chili without measuring every ingredient….I ate some raw oatmeal cookies…..I’ve been living like a normal….no, not normal….but healthy person. Sugar and flour are no doubt not things I want to go back to…or other harmful substances like pork or aspartame….I’m doing a cleanse right now so everything is vegan…..and I feel amazing! My energy level is great, my mood….there are no going to the bathroom problems….everything is working better than it ever has….I feel so free! What is really interesting to me is that I found this program after going on a Daniel Fast…which is what the cleanse is too….and I’m exiting it on one as well….it’s like God is leading me out. I really needed the intense structure to get on the right track….and I will definitely go back if I need to….but life is changing, Brett is moving to California, Alexis is going to school 9 1/2 hours from here….Eric and I are going to travel and we are on the next phase of our lives….I don’t want to be strapped to the food plan….but I do want to stay abstinent, healthy and at my ideal weight…..so far so good….I’m putting it….just like everything else….in God’s hands….and it always works out better than I imagined and in just the right way, form and timing.
It’s not just the way you eat, it’s a way of life. I’m not 100%, although I was for the first 42 days of the year, but I am following it pretty well, I would say at least 90%…probably more. I’m not all vegan at this point either, although we are going to do 4 cleanses this year and I will be then. Eric still hasn’t had coffee! That is so amazing….just as amazing as it was for me. He too is drinking Teechino and it has really done the trick for him. We are both having a Vitamin C drink that has some caffeine and ginseng in it…so we aren’t totally there…but so much better. We have had more strongholds released….that was VERY interesting….as a couple it’s interesting how we have issues that cross, things we knew were sore spots, but not the real reason why….and that have now been released.
Kid wise, this is an exciting time….a bit frightening….just the letting go part, I so love to be in control you know….I am really needing to trust God again….and He has proven to be quite trustworthy…and awesome : ) Alexis is flying out to Nicaragua tomorrow for the 10 day mission trip, I’m crossing every T and dotting every I, a little nervous, but I do have a sense of peace about it….I admit though that I can’t wait until they get back! Brett is flying from coast to coast going to interviews for grad school, right now he’s at Cal Tech in sunny 80 degree weather, next week Boston, then back out to California….he is “living the life”. Eric and I were talking this morning about one kid staying in a posh hotel getting shuttled around, fed, seeing exciting people in a beautiful atmosphere. The other will be sleeping on an air bed…also meeting exciting people, being fed and in a beautiful atmosphere….but completely different ends of the spectrum….and they are both extremely excited to be doing what they are doing.
I was watching a television sermon this week that is talking about if you had 30 days left to live, what would you do? We played with that idea at our small group earlier this week…..aside from emptying our bank accounts and living it up…what would you do with that money, who would you do it with? I also pondered the question of, “if I were to die today, what would I regret”…..the truth is, nothing. When my Aunt Carole died….about 11 years ago….I did ponder that question….and I took it seriously. My regrets at that point would have been that I missed anything with my kids…..I didn’t need to work, yet I had a good job, it was hard for my ego to let go of it….I pondered leaving it for a year before my aunt died but when she did after just turning 57, I decided not to ponder but to take action…I have no doubt in my mind that that wasn’t part of her plan…no one saw it coming, it was a real blow…and only the beginning unfortunately for more. As tragic as that was, I am grateful for the gift of awareness and that I have done what I really wanted to do up to this point….I have so much more left to do….and I have received so many more gifts as a result of following my heart. That helps me now that it is time for Brett and Alexis to begin their paths of who they are….and I want them to be everything God created them to be, I want them to follow their passion and live life to the fullest….and I can trust God that He will be there for them everywhere and in everything….I have to.