Wow, I cant believe that this is my first post of the year. I am happy though that January is almost over….now just a couple of months until spring : ) Eric and I did the fast starting 1/1…he’s done, I just started a cleansing class so I’m doing it with them too….and was planning on going through to the 9th anyway. Today is day 3 of my juicing…I did feel a little run down yesterday but my day 2’s are usually the worst….and it wasn’t that bad. Once I remembered, I just took it easy. Today I feel a lift….still a little on the quiet side, but definitely a lift….and I have been feeling kind of stuck in a few area’s. Spiritually, I’m just amazed at what is happening….it seems to be so much more powerful when Eric does this with me and we are taking a class together that is just…wow! It’s like someone turned up the light….thank you to whoever did that : ) I will share more with you later….until then….have a super blessed, totally awesome, wonderful 2013 full of love and joy!!!
I am! You know I just love the New Years resolutions : ) I am convinced now more than ever….that at least for me….I need to follow the “rules”. I need to write down my food for the next day, commit that to someone who will hold me accountable…follow that plan and not try to manipulate it. I have been successfully eating this way since 2/2005, no calorie counting, sometimes some obsession with food…because I am obsessive/compulsive : )….and a freedom and security that only comes with this kind of surrender. I have been wrestling with that surrender for several months….doing “research” I have heard it called….research is good. I have a program that allows me to see all of the nutritional value of every thing I eat along with how much more I can have if I do certain exercises. Although it is pretty cool, I have been focusing on that more than just following the same successful guidelines that worked so well for me before….I want total control….and of course, I want more….and it has made me a little crazy along with being in bondage to this system. My weight is actually up 5 lbs from this total control. I read this morning that, “We have found through much experience that no matter how long we abstain from eating compulsively, and no matter how adept we become at facing life’s problems, we will always have these abnormal tendencies with food”. I can see that. I am a nutrition consultant, I believe that that somehow gives me a special insight as to not following the rules of having an eating disorder that it won’t impact me any more, especially eating as healthy as I do….but that is part of the thinking that goes with the disorder….I need to remember that I have this tendency and that it can take over if I stop doing what I know I need to do….I am not exempt for any reason. It’s funny, I was asking God what to do next, the raw food diet, the food combining diet….the answer I got was that He showed me what was right for me 8 years ago….it hasn’t changed….I can do raw or food combining within those guidelines….but those are still very much the same…..and they work as well today as they did 8 years ago….and even though it’s just for today…which I have a tendency to forget….it is highly likely that these will still be my guidelines tomorrow as well….but I will worry about that tomorrow….no, not worry, surrender.
I’m starting January 1 with the Daniel Fast. Eric and I are doing it together with the church that we went to 8 years ago, I feel very excited about it and ready for an amazing 2013.
Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10 was a strong message to me yesterday and today. We are now on our final cleanse of the year and honestly, I was feeling a little less motivated for this one than I did earlier in the year….wondering if I did too many to really reap the spiritual “rewards” because I wasn’t keeping it as sacred. When I got out of the shower yesterday morning, the list of my “prayers” from the summer fast were on the counter. I’m not quite sure how they got out there….it isn’t huge crazy thing because I keep prayer papers behind my clock there and it didn’t have far to slip out….but it did somehow. I read over the list….which was kind of like a list of chores really…..and felt a little indigent because none of them happened. I thought, “what’s up God, I did what I was supposed to….why didn’t you fulfill this list of demands here?” ha ha. Then I started to realize that I had it a little off….although I do pray for what ever I pray for “or better in the highest good of all concerned”….I was missing the mark a bit. The way that I have been doing this since 2005 is to list what I want help with then do the fasting and prayer….so many times what I have asked for or better comes either during or after….and it just clicks into place. So that led me to believe that my “works” of fasting, (Daniel fasting), while praying was “earning” me my desires….not so…although God does….and quite often….thanks God!….fulfill my needs and many desires. What I believe that I had mixed up was the process and the actual intent of that process. As I learned in “Experiencing God”, God will place a desire in our hearts, then we need his direction, guidance and grace to fulfill that desire. By fasting and praying I am removing the obstacles that are in my control….so that I can hear God, surrender to God and let Him show me what I need and what I want. It really does work so much better that way because He can see what I can’t even dream about because I’m not aware of it….I’ve been shown that so many times…..but I needed to be shown that again : )
This morning has been a beautiful, wonderful, magical awakening. I’ve been shown obstacles, misunderstandings and blockages that have impacted my beliefs…they are things that I haven’t been able to change on my own….and can’t change on my own….I need God to do it….I need(ed) to ask Him to do it….and I did. I said the prayers with Eric, it was quite powerful. I am also very aware of the things that He has already done in my life that I could never have done on my own. The safety, love and trust I feel right now is….I don’t want to say intoxicating because that is a negative word….but it’s an all encompassing, blissful pleasure that I don’t have a word to describe.
Be still and know that I am God reminds me that I just need to relax and spend time with Him so that I can hear Him….that is where I get my direction, I don’t have to work on it, I have to allow it, trust it, follow it…..that is swimming with the current rather than against it. Also, “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you“. Can it really be that easy? Yes! But it’s not easy to trust that and fall into the flow….that is the hard part….that is the part of surrender….that is what I was reminded to do. Life is so much better than I ever imagined that it could be….and that’s God’s doing….not mine. I know that I can gratefully trust Him with the rest.
Hi! It’s been a while. Both kids have gone to their colleges….I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it….but it’s really okay. I love this “google face time”. We can see them when we talk to them, we can see things that they are seeing, it’s very cool.
Brett had an interesting time going out to California. He decided to go on “tour”….he went to Chicago first to visit a friend then flew to N.Y. to visit some other friends for a few days….he organized it like lay overs….when he was going from N.Y. to San Fransisco the flight was over booked, he volunteered to take the next flight. In return they gave him a voucher for more than he spent on the ticket, let him hang out in the frequent flyers club enjoying the free snacks, drinks, comfy chairs, WiFi and separate bathrooms and when he got on his flight, they took him to 1st class and treated him like a king….not a bad deal at all : )
A couple of weeks before Brett left, we all took Alexis to her school and got her settled as snug as a bug before we left. She loves her school and her major…..and God knew what he was doing when he set her up with her room mate….they get along like 2 peas in a pod….and that’s pretty much the size of their room…..they did deck it out princess style though with floating lights, canopy’s and happy decorations. I feel good about both kids….it took a while though….and I’m so grateful for the regular contact!
We are now on our 4th and final cleanse of the year. As I am writing this I am on day 3 in the evening…..and really looking forward to food again tomorrow….but I feel good. I even treated myself to a facial at dinner time and didn’t miss the food at all : ) This is also my second gall bladder cleanse and I’m excited to see what that produces in the morning. I did the first one about a month ago and saw approximately one cup of “stones” in the bottom of the toilet. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, the liver holds anger and the gall bladder the ability to move forward….I want that all out of me thank you very much….as well as the physical benefits.
If you have done the gall bladder/liver cleanse, please post your experience here and how you did it….there are quite a few ways of doing it.
Alexis works at a movie theater and treated the family to a movie the other night. I don’t like violent or loud movies but wanted to spend some family time with them and thought that this may be alright….the description sounded interesting….well, it is violent and loud….and dreary….I did find it interesting though. Don’t read any more if you want to watch it and haven’t yet….wait until you see it : ) He started out by having nightmares and visions of someone he was losing, then he woke up with his “loving wife”. He worked on an assembly line and was passed up for a promotion and made the comment that he would never get off the line. Out of his boredom, but against the advise of someone close to him, (who later turned out to be a hidden enemy)….but prompted by someone he worked with, he went to this “total recall” place where he could buy memories….a thrilling escape from reality….where you could be anyone you want, do anything you want….you get the picture….the only catch was that it couldn’t have any connection or reality to the person receiving the “memory”. When the character went under it was discovered that he did identify with being a spy….his fantasy….but unknown to him….his reality. It continues to unfold as he discovers talents and abilities he possesses that he wasn’t aware of….he has allies that he wasn’t aware of…..and enemy’s that were in the form of a close friend and his wife….both placed in his life to defeat him…..or perhaps to bring out his strengths. I think that sometimes we are thrown into situations that strengthen us, show us what we are made of…..without the conflict we wouldn’t know what was in us to bring about a new harmony. What if that is what life really is? An uncovering, a treasure hunt of what is within. I have heard for years that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, that we have lessons set up in our lifetime to evolve our souls….to balance karmic debt….to grow. How fascinating that we may be here to uncover the truth, that we are so much more than we realize….just step out into your fantasy and watch it evolve….see who you are, what you are capable of. Who would you be if you let go of the insecurities? Of the unconscious bondage’s of what you think that you can’t do, have, be? Maybe you don’t have to let go of them first….maybe they come off as you move forward…..weather you choose to or not.
When Michelangelo finished sculpting the David, many people asked him how he created this masterful work of art. His response: “It’s simple. I took away everything that wasn’t the David.”
Our lives can be our masterpieces if we can learn to chisel away at the thoughts and choices that don’t contribute to our sense of authenticity and balance.
What is in your life that isn’t you? Let it go. You are a magnificent, beautiful masterpiece, period.
My sponsor called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me some shocking news….after 11 years in the 12 step group we were in for our eating disorder she needed to leave for her health. The structure was too confining for how she now needed to take care of herself…..it’s perfectly understandable. At that moment, I had a decision to make….get another sponsor or try it on my own. It didn’t take much thought. I have been very into the raw food lifestyle for several years now and that with my food plan worked somewhat well together but it was still pretty rigid and restrictive….which is what I needed 7 years ago and for the years following….I had gotten so far off….well….never truly on….a healthy living plan. The first couple of days were odd…exciting but scary. I ate my fruit between meals….it’s better to eat fruit alone on an empty stomach anyway….I ate 1/2 of an avocado on my salad…..I ate vegan chili without measuring every ingredient….I ate some raw oatmeal cookies…..I’ve been living like a normal….no, not normal….but healthy person. Sugar and flour are no doubt not things I want to go back to…or other harmful substances like pork or aspartame….I’m doing a cleanse right now so everything is vegan…..and I feel amazing! My energy level is great, my mood….there are no going to the bathroom problems….everything is working better than it ever has….I feel so free! What is really interesting to me is that I found this program after going on a Daniel Fast…which is what the cleanse is too….and I’m exiting it on one as well….it’s like God is leading me out. I really needed the intense structure to get on the right track….and I will definitely go back if I need to….but life is changing, Brett is moving to California, Alexis is going to school 9 1/2 hours from here….Eric and I are going to travel and we are on the next phase of our lives….I don’t want to be strapped to the food plan….but I do want to stay abstinent, healthy and at my ideal weight…..so far so good….I’m putting it….just like everything else….in God’s hands….and it always works out better than I imagined and in just the right way, form and timing.
I LOVE New Years. Not for the parties or the dresses….and certainly not for the drinks or the food…..I love New Years resolutions. This year will mark 19 years of no alcohol, 12 years of no cigarettes, with a few exceptions, about 8 without the gum, 7 years of no sugar/no flour, coffee is out of the picture….and so much more. They didn’t all go right at New Years…alcohol did and the other things on many occasions, but may not have stuck until later in the year…but so what? I love to improve, I love to be free of addictions, I love to make lists of goals and check them at the end of the year and now it’s that time again : ) We have a group doing a 21 day cleanse that will begin on the 9th. I’m going to start on the 1sth though since I’m the leader and want to be at my best for the other people….a good leader : ) This year I’m going to crank it up a notch. I’m going totally raw for the 21 days, maybe for more, but definitely the 3 weeks, and I’m jazzed. What I really enjoy about the New Years cleanse, or Daniel fast is the clarity I get, the surrender and closeness to God. I’m not sure why what I eat or don’t eat has such an impact on my emotions, mental state and spiritual state, but it really does. Earlier today I realized that I don’t think that I could have stuck to the no sugar/no flour eating without a guide….that way of living was foreign to me and would have been temporary….just like raw food has been, I get to my goal, then go back to the way I was eating before, so does that mean that I need to stay raw? I don’t know, but I’m going to ask for clarity during this cleanse. I have gotten to a higher level of trust with God and if I feel that He is guiding me to do it, then He will show me the way and I will. It seems so radical….but so did living without sugar and flour. I always feel so good when I do the cleanses, a heightened awareness, more energy, a calmness and security that is deeper than normal….so it does make me wonder. For now, I’m committing to 3 weeks…and looking forward to it….of course I will let you know how it’s going : ) What are your goals for the year? Are you as excited as I am? Oh, I almost forgot! Last year, I was so hooked on Pepsi Max that I didn’t let go of it for the cleanse/fast, but I put it on my list asking God to remove it from me…..Thank you God, I haven’t had any in several months : )