Hey, it’s been a while….where’ve ya been? : ) I’ve been having a blast without much extra time. Alexis is home. We joined a new church…..one that we seem to fit so well with it’s amazing……it’s the one where we went to do the fast…..that’s how God got us there, now we don’t want to leave : ) I did end up doing another one in April as well, (fast). Monday, (and this is only Tuesday), I decided to juice and do smoothies for the week, I wanted to ask God for help with some things and use it to control my weight as well. Last night I was reading a book, (part of a homework assignment for a class I’m taking at church on the Holy Spirit….it’s way cool), and read, “Fasting does not change God, it changes me”. The man who wrote it was talking about going on a hay day with his eating then going down to 1 meal a day when he was really busy and being, “spiritual”, but that made him weak and tired. God told him, “fasting doesn’t change me….I’m the same no matter what….it changes you….so why not just live a fasted life”? “Keep your flesh under all the time”. That really stuck out to me and I wrote it down. Even though I know this, I seem to forget. I use fasting as a bargaining chip……Dear Santa, (God), I would like……and I am going to fast in exchange for it….ha ha. He does give me most of what I want though….but it’s because fasting brings me back in alignment with Him…..and I think that what I want is really his nudge to me to get back on track.
This morning I went out to run a 5K….I did it several days ago….holy moly…..thanks to Alexis. A couple of weeks ago, I couldn’t/wouldn’t run 1/2 a block, but she got me to keep going for 2 miles with out stopping and I did it the next day and the next and thought I would just see how far I could go on Saturday morning….and wow….I actually made it the entire way! Soooooooo…….I went out to do that again this morning…..it’s a really good thinking time too…..although, I ended up walking quite a bit of it……I did that because it seemed as though God were having a real good talking to with me…..and I wanted to listen. Being the obsessive/compulsive person that I am….I keep trying new things….of course with the goal of just being able to get away with as much as I possibly can…..but I keep going around the same mountain, (regarding food). There are things that I know are good for my kids….that they would save them selves so much struggle if they would just listen to me….and they do for the most part….they are amazing kids…..but there’s always that one thing that we all need to just “make” work on our own that we really don’t have the control over that we think we do……watching someone else struggle with something that you just know the easier way is really to just let go of it can be as big of a struggle as the person struggling…..especially someone that you love…..but we all have free will. I felt like God was being the parent and reminding me that the easier way really is to let go…..relinquishing control is not something that I do well…..but God has always….every single time…..proven to be right…..and I’m so much better off when I listen….yet, I always think that I can come up with a better plan. Living a fasted life is safe, freeing, enjoyable and takes me to heights that I’m only able to obtain through obedience….it’s really quite a good deal.
I’m still on this journey with you….are you still with me?
Yesterday was day 40 of the Daniel Fast. This has been another amazing experience. With each year and each fast I move closer and closer to living like that on a daily basis rather than just for a time period….but there is something very special about committing that time with God. I love to dwell in His presence….but I feel like I can never get close enough. We had a chihuahua….Jack….he was such a good snuggler…..but he could never seem to get close enough….he would be right next to me…..smashed up as close as possible but he would still wiggle and push to get even closer…..that’s how I feel with God….there are moments of comfort….then I start to wiggle and push to get even closer….and that feels good.
I’m having some really wonderful experiences…..spirit led experiences. Eric and I are taking a class on “the blood covenant”….it sounds pretty mystical and magical….and it is! It’s really powerful….really exciting…..really enlightening. My spiritual life has seemed to be all over the place….and it has…..like a puzzle….there are pieces that you don’t think could possibly be a part of the same picture….and seem as if they are even on opposing ends….yet the more the picture comes together, the more clear and amazing it is how it all works together….it’s all a part of the same picture….even when it seemed as though I was going in the opposite direction….and the picture is so vast and more beautiful than I thought it could be….and it’s still just coming into light….”I ain’t seen nothin’ yet”. I have also been reminded that some good things are in my life permanently and some aren’t….or I just need to take my focus on the next right thing….the right thing for me to progress….for me to become who I was created to be….and it is all okay if I follow God….God’s direction for my life….if I don’t, things just get uncomfortable until I do…but as soon as I do they are comfortable and exciting again.
One of my amazing things….well this has been coming into view for many years….but it seems as though there is extra light and extra energy when I’m doing this fast….and the addict in me wants it 24/7….and of course, more, more, more….actually I think that the wanting of more, more, more is really the void that only God can fill and I will continue to want more until it is filled by Him. Oh dear, I do believe that I’m becoming fanatical….oh well : ) Back to my amazing thing….Reiki. I have been working with this energy since 1997 and it has been quite the experience. I can’t even begin to compute the amount of hours I have spent working with this, receiving information…from God…then applying it…then receiving more and applying that as well. Over the past 7 years I seem to have been in an intensive training with this learning how to attune places, people, times, chakra’s, clearing emotions, energy blocks….some really cool stuff. During this fast a woman was sent to me by a mutual friend, someone that I have never met….(I still haven’t met her, this was all done as distance healing….but we talked on the phone), she was sent to me to heal one thing….which we did….but by applying the lessons that God has taught me….it went deeper and wider than was apparent…it has been such a beautiful experience……and I believe a validating experience….I will just keep going forward and will know by the results….I will know by the fruit : )
I have so much more that I have learned or have been enlightened about….like faith….what it is….I thought I had it…and I did/do….but my understanding of it is so much more clear and it’s clear in a way that is powerful, active and profound. Actually so much has been coming to me over the past few months that I haven’t written about that I hope to. I’ll admit, I’ve been a little bit shy about putting things on here….I think too much about who will read it and what they will think….but that creates a block….when I’m real….cool things happen : )
Wow, I cant believe that this is my first post of the year. I am happy though that January is almost over….now just a couple of months until spring : ) Eric and I did the fast starting 1/1…he’s done, I just started a cleansing class so I’m doing it with them too….and was planning on going through to the 9th anyway. Today is day 3 of my juicing…I did feel a little run down yesterday but my day 2’s are usually the worst….and it wasn’t that bad. Once I remembered, I just took it easy. Today I feel a lift….still a little on the quiet side, but definitely a lift….and I have been feeling kind of stuck in a few area’s. Spiritually, I’m just amazed at what is happening….it seems to be so much more powerful when Eric does this with me and we are taking a class together that is just…wow! It’s like someone turned up the light….thank you to whoever did that : ) I will share more with you later….until then….have a super blessed, totally awesome, wonderful 2013 full of love and joy!!!
Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10 was a strong message to me yesterday and today. We are now on our final cleanse of the year and honestly, I was feeling a little less motivated for this one than I did earlier in the year….wondering if I did too many to really reap the spiritual “rewards” because I wasn’t keeping it as sacred. When I got out of the shower yesterday morning, the list of my “prayers” from the summer fast were on the counter. I’m not quite sure how they got out there….it isn’t huge crazy thing because I keep prayer papers behind my clock there and it didn’t have far to slip out….but it did somehow. I read over the list….which was kind of like a list of chores really…..and felt a little indigent because none of them happened. I thought, “what’s up God, I did what I was supposed to….why didn’t you fulfill this list of demands here?” ha ha. Then I started to realize that I had it a little off….although I do pray for what ever I pray for “or better in the highest good of all concerned”….I was missing the mark a bit. The way that I have been doing this since 2005 is to list what I want help with then do the fasting and prayer….so many times what I have asked for or better comes either during or after….and it just clicks into place. So that led me to believe that my “works” of fasting, (Daniel fasting), while praying was “earning” me my desires….not so…although God does….and quite often….thanks God!….fulfill my needs and many desires. What I believe that I had mixed up was the process and the actual intent of that process. As I learned in “Experiencing God”, God will place a desire in our hearts, then we need his direction, guidance and grace to fulfill that desire. By fasting and praying I am removing the obstacles that are in my control….so that I can hear God, surrender to God and let Him show me what I need and what I want. It really does work so much better that way because He can see what I can’t even dream about because I’m not aware of it….I’ve been shown that so many times…..but I needed to be shown that again : )
This morning has been a beautiful, wonderful, magical awakening. I’ve been shown obstacles, misunderstandings and blockages that have impacted my beliefs…they are things that I haven’t been able to change on my own….and can’t change on my own….I need God to do it….I need(ed) to ask Him to do it….and I did. I said the prayers with Eric, it was quite powerful. I am also very aware of the things that He has already done in my life that I could never have done on my own. The safety, love and trust I feel right now is….I don’t want to say intoxicating because that is a negative word….but it’s an all encompassing, blissful pleasure that I don’t have a word to describe.
Be still and know that I am God reminds me that I just need to relax and spend time with Him so that I can hear Him….that is where I get my direction, I don’t have to work on it, I have to allow it, trust it, follow it…..that is swimming with the current rather than against it. Also, “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you“. Can it really be that easy? Yes! But it’s not easy to trust that and fall into the flow….that is the hard part….that is the part of surrender….that is what I was reminded to do. Life is so much better than I ever imagined that it could be….and that’s God’s doing….not mine. I know that I can gratefully trust Him with the rest.