I am! You know I just love the New Years resolutions : ) I am convinced now more than ever….that at least for me….I need to follow the “rules”. I need to write down my food for the next day, commit that to someone who will hold me accountable…follow that plan and not try to manipulate it. I have been successfully eating this way since 2/2005, no calorie counting, sometimes some obsession with food…because I am obsessive/compulsive : )….and a freedom and security that only comes with this kind of surrender. I have been wrestling with that surrender for several months….doing “research” I have heard it called….research is good. I have a program that allows me to see all of the nutritional value of every thing I eat along with how much more I can have if I do certain exercises. Although it is pretty cool, I have been focusing on that more than just following the same successful guidelines that worked so well for me before….I want total control….and of course, I want more….and it has made me a little crazy along with being in bondage to this system. My weight is actually up 5 lbs from this total control. I read this morning that, “We have found through much experience that no matter how long we abstain from eating compulsively, and no matter how adept we become at facing life’s problems, we will always have these abnormal tendencies with food”. I can see that. I am a nutrition consultant, I believe that that somehow gives me a special insight as to not following the rules of having an eating disorder that it won’t impact me any more, especially eating as healthy as I do….but that is part of the thinking that goes with the disorder….I need to remember that I have this tendency and that it can take over if I stop doing what I know I need to do….I am not exempt for any reason. It’s funny, I was asking God what to do next, the raw food diet, the food combining diet….the answer I got was that He showed me what was right for me 8 years ago….it hasn’t changed….I can do raw or food combining within those guidelines….but those are still very much the same…..and they work as well today as they did 8 years ago….and even though it’s just for today…which I have a tendency to forget….it is highly likely that these will still be my guidelines tomorrow as well….but I will worry about that tomorrow….no, not worry, surrender.
I’m starting January 1 with the Daniel Fast. Eric and I are doing it together with the church that we went to 8 years ago, I feel very excited about it and ready for an amazing 2013.