….and I feel good. I think that the phenylalanine is what I needed. I am still having caffeine in the form of iced tea and the zip fizz….but one thing at a time….it seems that when I just focus on releasing one thing at a time gently, it tends to stay released.
As usual when I give up a crutch, a defect or fear that I’ve been trying to hide from myself shows up….not consciously, but there….and I have received yet another gift. It makes me wonder if God is ever going to get finished cleaning me up : ) This was a gift through Al-anon. It was a way that I responded in fear trying to keep things under control just based on a tone of voice, fear of a situation, or the possibility of a situation. It got played out recently, but it’s so irrelevant to my life now and was negatively impacting my relationship with someone very important to me….I’m so grateful that this was shown to me and released.
There have been quite a few times now where I have had to completely surrender to God….it’s always been after tremendous struggle from trying to do things on my own first. Now there is just a quiet discontent, a slight disconnect….a longing for that closeness and enveloping security, freedom and joy that comes from this type of surrender…..and I want that feeling. I’ve been praying for God to show me the avenue to get that closeness and security again….there’s nothing bad happening….I just feel the drift and want to close the gap. It feels like raw food is the way to go, and I did it today, I’m going to do it again tomorrow, I’m not sure how long, but I will know when it’s up. Something feels ready to happen….something really good….I want all blockages removed, anything and everything that stands in between God and me. Oprah said on her last show that she just asked God to let her be of service and not cause any harm….and wow, look what He did through her! I would love to be of service and not cause harm….I know that when I’m in God’s will, I’m full of joy….so that is where I want to be, always.