Secrets of the Vine


It has been a few days since I stopped the all raw….and it only was a few days, that’s all it took.  I’m amazed, the gap has been closed, my questions answered and the road to follow is well lit….well enough for my next steps.    I woke up a few mornings ago with the book, “Secrets of the Vine” on my mind.  It’s a tiny little book by Bruce Wilkinson, the same author as “The Prayer of Jabez”.  I found it in the bookcase in the basement, sat down and looked at it for a little while.  The first chapter didn’t really seem to be clicking with me and I felt that I really should be doing something rather than reading a book, so I put it down and went to work.  I thought about it a few more times throughout the morning then after lunch decided to look at it a little better on the deck….it was a good excuse to go out and sit in the sun : )  After just a few minutes, I was in awe.  It was directly speaking to my confusion on an issue!  An issue that was keeping me in a state of bondage really….something that I felt that I had control over, or that I needed to do something about to make “right”.  The book shows how sometimes God is disciplining us, sometimes He’s pruning us and there comes a time where He just wants us to “hang” with Him….and like I said, it showed me where I was at….not only with the issue that I was not overcoming, but with where I’m at in life in general.  It gave me a sense of peace and security that I haven’t felt in a while….exactly what I had asked for upon doing this fast.

I meditate regularly, in a group, 2-3 times a week.  I watch Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, the Copelands, Joel Osteen and sometimes Charles Stanley and Greggory Dickkow…..daily.  I do Reiki when I feel the need to….sometimes hours in a day, sometimes I won’t for a week.  I have felt the need to give at least an hour a day to just “hang” with God, by reading the Bible and other books through the Hindu and Buddhism religions as well as Christian….I want to know God as well as I possibly can…..I want to know who He says He is….and the only way to do that is to spend time with Him….I would actually like to spend more than an hour a day with him…..but it feels self-indulgent…..so I deny myself….even the hour.  Just over the past couple of days of doing it though, God has shown me, again, how everything else is so much easier when I put Him first, “seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added on to you”.   He talks to me, I can hear Him, follow Him and reap the rewards.  Eric is a tremendous support….he sees the benefits and expresses them…..that we all receive when I do this.  This isn’t something new over the past few days….but it has been a “renewal”.  I really need to stop getting in my own way : )  Life is Good!!!!

4 weeks off Pepsi Max!!!


….and I feel good.  I think that the phenylalanine is what I needed.  I am still having caffeine in the form of iced tea and the zip fizz….but one thing at a time….it seems that when I just focus on releasing one thing at a time gently, it tends to stay released.

As usual when I give up a crutch, a defect or fear that I’ve been trying to hide from myself shows up….not consciously, but there….and I have received yet another gift.  It makes me wonder if God is ever going to get finished cleaning me up : )  This was a gift through Al-anon.  It was a way that I responded in fear trying to keep things under control just based on a tone of voice, fear of a situation, or the possibility of a situation.  It got played out recently, but it’s so irrelevant to my life now and was negatively impacting my relationship with someone very important to me….I’m so grateful that this was shown to me and released.

There have been quite a few times now where I have had to completely surrender to God….it’s always been after tremendous struggle from trying to do things on my own first.  Now there is just a quiet discontent, a slight disconnect….a longing for that closeness and enveloping security, freedom and joy that comes from this type of surrender…..and I want that feeling.  I’ve been praying for God to show me the avenue to get that closeness and security again….there’s nothing bad happening….I just feel the drift and want to close the gap.  It feels like raw food is the way to go, and I did it today, I’m going to do it again tomorrow, I’m not sure how long, but I will know when it’s up.  Something feels ready to happen….something really good….I want all blockages removed, anything and everything that stands in between God and me.  Oprah said on her last show that she just asked God to let her be of service and not cause any harm….and wow, look what He did through her!   I would love to be of service and not cause harm….I know that when I’m in God’s will, I’m full of joy….so that is where I want to be, always.