Lately I’m so amazed at these incredible souls that God sent here to us through me named Brett and Alexis. To think that they weren’t here, that they formed inside me, appeared as tiny human beings, then grew into who they are before our very eyes is so awesome. I think that we realized it when they first appeared, but the day to day living….very busy living…..lightened the wonder, we just desperately tried to keep up . I was talking with friends last night about children…and of course, I talked about mine…..and I’m still thinking about this. They came exactly as they are, their personalities were very distinct from the start, and they changed me by coming through me. They both called forth qualities, talents and abilities from within me that I needed to become their parent. Eric told me that he saw me change even as I was pregnant.
Brett is very intense, driven and focused, he needs a structured, dependable, nurturing environment….he’s also very sensitive to the energies of the people and things around him….so it’s important who and what are in his space….and that he has his own space. I prayed a lot since he was first born….I didn’t know how to be a parent, but I knew that this was the most important job that I would ever do and wanted all of the help I could get….from God….and He has seemed to have shown me/us. I say me because that has been my job for most of 20 years….what I have done full time….of course Eric has a lot to do with it….but it has been my primary responsibility….and I have been allowed to have this be my primary responsibility, (the majority of my time) because he makes his primary responsibility his job, (the majority of his time)….but none of it works without the other parts working….and it all works very well together. Anyway, Brett called forth a strong sense of responsibility and accountability that I didn’t have before….he was who he was….it wasn’t up to me to “mold” him….that was between him and God….and I am so grateful to have this extremely intelligent, thoughtful, loving person in my life….my job was to be a loving, stable adult….to create an environment for him that was safe for him to thrive in, to feed him right, encourage him, teach him manners, read with him, play with him, do life with him. Sometimes the outside forces were difficult to deal with but because I had this job of keeping the negative energies away from my baby….I could do it….most of the time….I could do for him what I couldn’t do for myself….but by doing it for him, I became able to do it for myself as well….but later. I didn’t do it perfect of course, I was still learning and growing as I was doing it….and for some things, I wish I could go back as the me I am now and do it better. Brett was my little buddy, and made my heart burst open wide.
Then came Alexis, she was who she is too. A sweet, considerate, talkative social girl….I believe she came out of the womb with stories of her trip here : ) I love talking to her and appreciate her insight and the way she looks at things. She brought forth a more profound spirituality in me. I was spiritual before but once I became pregnant for her the intensity increased big time and continues to do so still. Alexis has caught on to God like a fish to water, it’s who she is and once the environment opened up to her…she blossomed. After I had Brett I didn’t think that I wanted or needed any other children but Alexis came very quickly after we decided to try. She has brought such a sense of light and peace to all of us, I don’t know how I ever thought that I could live without her….either one of them….they are the most special people in the world to me along with Eric and it just amazes me how they just came from seemingly no where and became the center of our lives…the most perfect people for me to be with….I could say it over and over and it wouldn’t be enough. Another gift Alexis brought through to me was the ability to take care of my self….I think because she is also a girl. I used to put myself last a lot, I would talk very negatively to myself, let other people take advantage of me because I believed that it was okay, that I deserved it or I was “a good girl” if I did. I had a dream or vision or something of Alexis being paddled and crying and it not stopping and tore me up because in the dream I think that I was doing it to her….then the message was that that was how bad God felt when I treated myself that way….and I also needed to be a better example because kids do what we do more than what we say. I want my kids to be kind, considerate and respectful, but I also want them to be treated that way in return and not be door mats. I can do for them what I couldn’t do for myself….but now I am doing it for myself. They have helped me to grow into a much better person than I would have been without them.
Thank you God for forming this family for us and everything that has come with it, even the hard things….because those have strengthened us and helped us grow. Thank you for trusting me/us with them and for your guidance, they are definitely valuable, contributing members of society and help to make the world a better place because they are in it.