Raw food living….it’s kind of like a fast.

I’ve been doing mostly raw for a few weeks now….I’m not being totally fanatical about it and I’m eating most of the same things over and over….I seem to do that anyway though.  Every time that I’ve done this it’s been profound in some way shape or form.  Last week was huge.  On Thursday a situation came up that brought out every fear and insecurity I have….it goes beyond logic….I’m talking terror.  I can’t really go into detail because it involves someone else.  What I can tell you though is that this fear….and actually it has been a functional fear up to this point because I have my own ways….automatic responses…..that make it that way….but later when I would be out of the fear…..I would be very resentful of the person for taking advantage of me….and for me allowing it…..and that is exactly what I did….I allowed it…..and they did it because it worked for them…..it got the results they were after…..but not really…..not in the long run…..not consciously….that’s how I/we stayed in the cycle….now that it’s conscious though….I/we have the authority to do it differently.

For several months I have been led to attune my astral body….this is a replica of your physical body, it holds all of your emotions, fears, senses…..the feeling things….and those of others too….most of us aren’t aware of it….we just react and do our best to function with what ever we’re carrying around with us.  Still, I thought that because I meditated, prayed, ate right, talked out my stuff, etc….I was most certainly clean and aware.  So I attuned this other person’s astral body….I did it out of love and compassion….but also to rid them of their automatic responses that were really messing with mine….it’s all done with the highest and best of the person….even if my motive was selfish….it’s done with God and all He is is love and nothing anyone can do can change that.  Well, when I did it….I realized what a good thing it was to have this done and did do it on myself as well….like God told me to in the first place…..it surprises me where my ego will come in and mess me up sometimes….I was feeling like “all that” with my energy that I wouldn’t take the time to do this….and it was a really good thing.  It was like turning on a light in a dark room….you can see what’s in there….what’s valuable, what’s garbage….and best of all…..where that horrible smell is coming from.

When I bought my first house my dad gave me the down payment….it was my grandma’s house.  She had a deep freezer in the basement….I was 19 and didn’t prepare that far ahead by power shopping at that time….so my dad took the freezer in exchange for the down payment….yes, he was a nice dad : )  When he took it though, there was a chicken in there that he threw out in the basement garbage near the shower….I never used that garbage and never thought to empty it.  After a week or so of it sitting there, it thawed then began to decay….and we never knew it was there….it was the most horrible, penetrating, disgusting smell that ever was, we smelled it very strongly by the shower, by the washer and dryer, up in the kitchen, in the bathroom, it permeated every room in the house.  I bought air fresheners, I cleaned like crazy, opened windows….sometimes it would lighten a bit…but it was always there….we did our best to live with it because we couldn’t find it, but it was so frustrating.  I don’t remember how we found the source….I may have told my dad of the smell over the phone and he remembered throwing it away….he lived over 300 miles away so he didn’t pop in too often….once we discovered it though, we got it right out…..it was so awful that I think I threw out the garbage can it was in as well.  It still left a putrid stench in the air, but this time when we cleaned, aired out and air freshened….it stayed clean….because the source of the smell was gone.

This to me is a good example of the things that get stuck in our energy fields that we try to combat, control, deal with.  Someone else may have put it there….and done it totally innocently….but it’s there and we need to find it and get it out.  What was in my energy field was from very long ago, I didn’t know exactyl what it was or where it was from….I had an idea….but not good enough to find it and pull it out….just live with it and try to cover it up.  I’m amazed with the things that just eating non congesting food does….but that’s not enough….that just allows it to the surface, it’s the prayer and meditation….then following up on what I’m led to do that pulls out the toxins…..but it gets completed….that’s the amazing part….and I’ve done this several times now.

I remember thinking that walking a spiritual path would be so boring, uneventful and drab….ha ha ha.  I also see that the more I set my ego aside and allow God to guide….the more wonderful and magnificent things come into my life.  I’m more free, joyful, satisfied and fulfilled than I ever thought was possible….in fact I did not think it was possible at all to feel like I do….and it’s all due to following God’s lead….I get so much further just relaxing into what He wants me to do than trying to figure it out and bust my butt to get to where I think I need to go….I have to trust Him though…..and I do now…..I know He’s there to catch me…..thank you God!!!!!  I love you with everything that I have and everything that I am.

Happy Anniversary to my Hun !!!

Eric and I have been married for 22 years today.  One thing that we both find amazing is how cold and snowy it is every year on our anniversary, on our wedding day though, it was sunny and in the mid 60’s, it was absolutely gorgeous out.  Thanks God : )

I’ve been staying around 75% raw thinking I should go 100%….the addictive and compulsive nature in me wants the highest and best feeling I can get as quickly as I can get it : )  If a little bit feels good….lets bring on a truck load, right?  I sprouted some wheat berries though and just couldn’t pick them over my oat bran…I did load it with blueberries and sprouted lentils though…it is actually pretty good….then sprinkled with 1 Tbs of peanuts and 1/2 c of vanilla soy milk.  I do feel good, my weight is down, (not that that is my goal…it just happens with the raw food….then I get more raw food : ), and my energy is up….still doing the Pepsi Max though too.  I was reading about phenylalanine last week….it’s an amino acid….and thought that I may be deficient in it so I bought some from the health food store….then read some more…..I found that it is the primary ingredient in aspartame….I took the phenylalanine back….but now I’m wondering if I’m so attracted to the Pepsi Max for that missing amino acid….am I looking for justification to continue?  Maybe, but maybe not : )  I love to read about these things anyway though and this will give me a purpose.

Last night at meditation…we usually do two….a short one in the beginning followed by discussion then a longer one at the end.  During the first one I realized that this has become normal for me….and I’m really glad that this is normal, (meditation)….but I used to really look forward to it…the day before I would start thinking about it, the day of I would really start looking forward to it….it’s a mystical, magical experience….it’s spending time with God on such a personal and profound level….the joy and amazement I would feel toward it was so profound….I was getting the privilege to enter into a realm that was special….I was going into “the secret place”, I still am.  What really caught my attention though was the question, “How did I go from feeling like that to taking it for granted?”

When Eric and I were dating we spent every waking moment possible together, we lived on very little sleep or food, we were always in close physical contact with each other.  When we were apart all I could think about is when we would be together again….and he did the same with me.  We were in a bubble, our own magical wonderful world where everything and everyone was beautiful.  Then I asked myself again, “How did it go from that to taking him for granted”? We’ve had two really awesome kids, we’ve had to deal with losing quite a few people, blending and adapting our separate lives into one….and that has been quite painful at times….we’ve had 22…24 years if you count dating….of learning lessons….and I know that we’re not done…but it is much easier.  Now it’s an incredibly strong and loving bond that has a security and excitement to keep moving forward….I am so grateful for what we have, what we’ve gone through and what lies ahead of us.

I don’t want to take Eric or God or the other important people in my life for granted.  I’m grateful for the familiarity and the security…..but I don’t want to lose the wonder, the magic or the thrill….I am blessed beyond belief….and I never want to forget that for a second!

Obsessed about raw again

I have been obsessed about raw food living again.  I’ve been staying about 50% or more raw most of the time, but I want that free feeling that I had before, that magical connection….and the energy.  For the past few days I think that I’ve been closer to 80% raw and want to do at least that and maybe a little more….but I want to leave it open for going to restaurants and outings where I can stay mostly raw but still have a life with others….my food plan is so strict anyway….and I don’t mind a bit, it’s also as freeing as it is strict.  I called a place where they teach classes, there was a raw gourmet cooking class available over a long weekend, the problem is that a lot of those recipes are loaded in nuts or honey or dates or all and more….so that won’t work.  I’ve been pretty lucky though with coming up with or finding recipes that are really good.   There’s just something about eating that way that feels so loving and nurturing….probably because it really is more loving and nurturing….although my family wouldn’t agree….and I’m sure there would be a big protest if I started giving them raw everything : )  Brett’s home for a few days and was just totally against trying some vegetarian dishes….I swear he was born 40….all set in his ways….but he does come around some….he’s drinking organic milk at least and eats salads every day : )  Alexis and Eric are easier to get to try things.

As much as I love reading all of the stories and research from other people about raw food living….and I do….reading my own blog from spring of 08 was really inspiring….because I lived it, felt it and could relive it reading it….so I want to do that again.

Tomorrow I am going to eat:

4 oz sprouted lentils, 1 C soy milk, 1/2 C oat bran, (I have wheat berries ready for sprouting but that will take a few days), 8 oz blueberries, 1 T peanuts, (green drink, lemon-these will be 20 minutes before my meal-alone), stivia and cinnamon.  Vitamins and minerals

Salsa salad, 8 oz yogurt with 2 T sugar free syrup, stevia, raw cacao

Nearly raw chili with the yogurt again

I hope this goes at least as well as it did before if not better.  This time I don’t drink coffee but I have gotten in the habit of drinking Diet Pepsi Max in the afternoon….I would like to release that….but not this week I have too much going on and that would effect me badly…..well, just for the next couple of days really….I’ll think about that after tomorrow.