May 3, 2009

Hey, I haven’t been on in a couple of days….I’ve been cleaning like a mad woman.  My whole body hurts….but it’s a good hurt.  I didn’t have a garage sale last year at all….this year I am more than making up for it.  Where does all this stuff come from?  My basement is clean….it’s so clean.  I vaccuumed the walls, the shelves, everything has been taken out wiped down and put back or put out…it’s a really good feeling.

There’s a women’s group that I’ve been going to for the past few months.  I got involved with it for a New Testament challenge and was going to be done after that, but the people are so great and it’s fun to be with a bunch of women who are just good nice people, trying to help each other live better lives with God of course, and fun, they’re awesome.  (I just realized that all of the groups that I go to are God based with good people….how lucky am I?)  Anyway, I wasn’t going to go because I have so much work still to do and I was really tired, but I laughed so much, and was totally relaxed and renewed by going….and funny, we were talking about taking time for ourselves to renew and rebuild….I was doing exactly that by going.

My exercise has been the major cleaning frenzy that I’m in….along with some yoga and stretching….but just on my own.

Food yesterday:

Green drink, 1/4 C oat bran, oil pill, pina colada smoothie, (Brett just learned how to make a smoothie today, now he has a list of the ones he’s going to make next….he bought a coconut….a real coconut to mix with his pineapple tomorrow….we have a vita mix so it will smooth down no problem, but he wouldn’t believe me on the mess that the coconut will make and all the work it will take to get it out of the shell….so he’ll learn that the hard way….he’s just so excited to have the real stuff.)

Butternut squash soup, Ezekiel bread and 1/4 avocado, 2 oz soy nut butter with 2 Tbs sugar free maple syrup, apple.

Raw spaghetti sauce, zucchini pasta, chcolate/peanut butter smoothie.

Have an awesome day!

The things we find when spring cleaning

I was just going thorough a cabinet in my bedroom and found this paper from 8-13-03….obviously the start of another diet.

Weight 190                                      Thursday was 128.5, (and has been for 3 1/2 yrs)

Neck        15 in                                 Today 13

Chest        48.5                                 Today 37

Mid drift  38.5                                 Today 32.25

Waist         39.5                                 Today 29

Abs             45.5                                 Today  33     (the little pouch below the belly button)

hips             43.5                                Today 33.5

Thigh          25.5                                Today  19.5

Calf              16                                     Today 14

Arm             13.5                                 Today  10.5

Well yes I’m very grateful and that wasn’t even my worst….I have gotten up to 205 or 210….it seems like an entirely different lifetime.  This is where God has been doing for me what I was never able to do for myself.  I was thinking the other day about my Dad.  We all try to do better for our kids than we had….and he really did so much better for my sister and me than was shown to him by his dad….way better.  One thing about him growing up was that they were very poor…and while they got enough….just enough….to eat, it was mainly staple food like macarroni, and he could do a lot with macaroni that made it taste so good….grandma too.  There was something about his father eating steak and they would smell it and want it….but they would get hot dogs….he didn’t like to talk about his father much and when he did it was obviously painful so we just didn’t go there.  Any way my point is that early on there was a connection with food and love.  My dad didn’t get what he needed from his father…in love, attention or on a physical matter…food.  My parents were divorced when I was 2 so as long as I can remember, visiting my dad was like going to a party.  I would see him every other weekend and we would have to fit all that love and attention into those two days.  Food was always the center of focus weather we were at home or out to a retaurant with a lot of people or just home playing games….my dad loved us and wanted to show us love in a place that he was aware of that would make a person feel loved….food….and not just enough….more than enough….he never wanted us to want for it….and we didn’t….not while we were with him, (but we did with our mother)….and it was good and plenty.  I think he gave himself love that way too….or tried to fill that void.  I wish I could give him a big hug right now, I miss him so much and I wish that I could show him what I know now….I think that he’s the one who showed me how to get on this path.  I had also learned that showing love was providing enormous amounts of “good” food to people and when all of the deaths were happening and all of the pain that followed came, I tried to replace that love with food….and more food….and more food….but it just made me full, fat, depressed and still in need of love.

Wow, I didn’t imagine that I would be going in this direction when I sat down to tell you what I found.  For a moment I thought that I would just delete it and be grateful for the personal insight…..but if someone else can gain from this insight….then that’s a good thing.  The void is no longer a void….God filled it up….all I had to do was ask….and He really is always here.   I show myself love…and my family love….by taking good care of myself so that I can be my best for them as well as myself.  I’m finally at peace with who I am, where I came from, whom I came from and the situations that have been.  I’ve been on this beautiful sunny road for a while now and I feel safe….I never felt safe before but I didn’t know it because it was just a normal existance for me.

Yesterday I did Kathy Smiths Fat Burning Aeorbics for exercise.

Food:  1/4 C oat bran, Strawberry/Banana Smoothie, Green drink, oil pill

16 oz raw/cooked Butternut Squash soup, ezekiel bread, 1/4 avocado, pina collad  smoothie.

16 oz jicama, cucumber and radishes, 1/2 sweet potato (fries), chocolate/peanut butter smoothie, 1/4 avocado….I dipped the jicama in it.

Oooops, I forgot I was cleaning out cupboards : )  See ya!

April 30, 2009

Brett’s home safe.  Eric and Alexis went to get him last night….we were going to get him today….and today is gorgeous out side….they moved him in the rain last night….but now they get to go golfing instead.  I’ve done about 4 loads of laundry….I think Brett just quit doing it a few months ago….he said a couple of weeks, but….I don’t know….it’s okay for now, I’m happy that he’s home.  Poor Alexis still had to go to school, we were going to let her come with us today…but it’s all done….she’s been texting me….and at least negotiated some Diet Pepsi Max….My dad was a professional negotiator….no joke, he was a mediator….both my kids seemed to pick up that trait : )

I didn’t go last night because I was in class.  Meditation class….I love it!  Last year around this time I did the raw food fast and this year it has been vegan….with a lot of that being raw….obviously if you’ve been reading my blog.  Last year I had some interesting emotions come up and out….this year it’s been pretty mellow but there’s a blissful expectancy.

I feel really lucky with the program that I’m in….it’s spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.  It seems like I take care of an issue on one of these levels and it effects all the others….they are all in sync….or all off….what ever you prefer….I prefer in sync.  I’ve been reading “Raw Emotions” by Angela Stokes (She went totally raw when she was over 300 lbs….but still had the obsession with the sugars and processed foods….an amazing transformation), and watched Oprah yesterday, (Kirstie Alley was on and gained all her weight back….I would love for her to learn about this sugar/flour obsession).  You don’t have to be a labeled compulsive eater….that’s what I am….to have a problem with sugar and flour or reap the rewards of obstaining from it….I read so much that it’s a drug….the drug of choice for many….and it’s such a trap and such a prison….and we think it’s our reward.  I am so grateful that it’s necessary for me to stay away from it….otherwise I would forever trying to figure it into my eating….hey, that’s what I did do and why I don’t do that anymore ; ).  I like living like this….I like it a lot!

I just want to add also that getting here to this point hasn’t been just one thing.  For me it’s been the 12 step groups, meditation…years and years of meditation….but I love it…now there’s a drug for me : )….church, (tv and in real life) , the people that God has put into my life….they’re always just the right ones you know….even….maybe especially the ones who we think are there to drive us nuts ; )….we learn some valuable lessons from them…and they stick….and it doesn’t drive us nuts anymore when we learn them.  What led me to everything I needed?  The 3rd and 7th step prayers….and I still say them every day.

Food yesterday was:

1/4 C oat bran, pina colada smoothie, green drink, oil pill, multi vitamin/mineral.

16 oz Butternut Squash soup – Indian Style…1/2 raw and 1/2 cooked, 1 slice sprouted bread with 1/4 avocado, 1 oz puffed wheat with 1 C soy milk, 4 oz pineapple, 1/2 banana.

16 oz awesome rawsome salad with corn and 1/4 avocado, Chocolate/peanut butter smoothie.

Exercise was Pilates and a lot of spring cleaning….I’m going to do more of that….I just found out that our neighborhood garage sale is next Friday and I have a lot of things to get rid of…big things….will that equal big money?  I hope so….because then I can buy more things….my grandma used to tell me, “We need people like you Sandee….you keep our economy going”….let’s all get out there and do our parts to keep this economy alive : )