Good bye Michael

A friend asked me last week if I cried when I heard that Michael died, I said no but I was sad….but it didn’t really register.  Today they had his memorial on and I watched it for a little while….I just caught the end.  I saw  Jermaine and his daughter Paris talk, I saw his family all standing around together….they have always seemed so close and loving to each other.  I had forgotten about LaToya until I saw her in the back and went to the computer to show Alexis what she looked like….I thought that she looked just like Janet….she does now….but the old pictures of her don’t.  Anyway, that led me to show her Jackson 5 stuff and I saw the ABC song on You Tube and played it.  Oh my God, I forgot how cute he was, I just wanted to grab him and hug him.  Then I watched Ben….I love that, I’ll be there, Rockin Robin, Black or White….now I’m sobbing like a baby.  The albums “The Wall” and “Thriller” took me through junior high and high school….and of course the Jackson 5 with the cartoon, their band, then “The Jackson’s” through adolecence.  It does feel like I lost someone important, someone that I loved….and really, he did seem like that….love…and joy.  There was an amazing energy  that shot off of him and touched everyone within listening distance….the impact that those old video’s had on me was happy, excited, and made me laugh and get up and dance….because he just was so so so cute.  I hear that you take the love with you when you go….he must feel so incredibly wonderful right now.  You are in my heart Michael.

Cellular Wisdom

I went to a seminar yesterday entitled “Cellular Wisdom” with author Dr. Joan King.  It was about opening up to the infinite possibilities of ourselves….I love this subject.   It’s amazing how many people from all walks of life still question….rather fear….if they are all they can be….are they good enough?  Who am I to think that I can…?  They allow themselves to be heald back by, “I’m not smart enough, I don’t have enough education, I’m too old, I’m too young…..the list goes on and on, but the bottom line is fear.  In each of us we have a dream….we have many dreams…..God doesn’t give us  strong desires to torture us….in fact….He gives us those to show us our potential.  Joan reminded us yesterday that if we don’t express our dream it will shrivel up and die….if that happens….we will shrivel up and die.   The dream was placed in you because there is a need for it…..and you can fulfill that need.

My dream is to help as many people as I possibly can break the chains that bind them from becoming all that God created them to be.  I believe that these chains are broken by taking care of the physical body….exercise, eating nuroushing foods, sleep, etc…..the emotional body by getting to know ourselves….and take care of our selves by knowing our limits and honoring ourselves…..the mental body by purging all the useless chatter of the mind bring into focus everything….but perhaps one thing at a time….that will move us forward into our greatness….and the spiritual body…..through meditation, prayer and learning to relax in God’s presance…..that is the safest place in the world…..I want to get to the point of pure love, to me this is completeness, acceptance, security…all negative emotions are left at the door and the experience is just pure love.  In that state everything is possible….everything good.

One of the exercises is that we were to tell someone of our dream, so there, I did.  I urge you to write yours down and share it with someone you trust….there is real power there.

Have an awesome day and know that I am sending you lots and lots of love!

May 3, 2009

Hey, I haven’t been on in a couple of days….I’ve been cleaning like a mad woman.  My whole body hurts….but it’s a good hurt.  I didn’t have a garage sale last year at all….this year I am more than making up for it.  Where does all this stuff come from?  My basement is clean….it’s so clean.  I vaccuumed the walls, the shelves, everything has been taken out wiped down and put back or put out…it’s a really good feeling.

There’s a women’s group that I’ve been going to for the past few months.  I got involved with it for a New Testament challenge and was going to be done after that, but the people are so great and it’s fun to be with a bunch of women who are just good nice people, trying to help each other live better lives with God of course, and fun, they’re awesome.  (I just realized that all of the groups that I go to are God based with good people….how lucky am I?)  Anyway, I wasn’t going to go because I have so much work still to do and I was really tired, but I laughed so much, and was totally relaxed and renewed by going….and funny, we were talking about taking time for ourselves to renew and rebuild….I was doing exactly that by going.

My exercise has been the major cleaning frenzy that I’m in….along with some yoga and stretching….but just on my own.

Food yesterday:

Green drink, 1/4 C oat bran, oil pill, pina colada smoothie, (Brett just learned how to make a smoothie today, now he has a list of the ones he’s going to make next….he bought a coconut….a real coconut to mix with his pineapple tomorrow….we have a vita mix so it will smooth down no problem, but he wouldn’t believe me on the mess that the coconut will make and all the work it will take to get it out of the shell….so he’ll learn that the hard way….he’s just so excited to have the real stuff.)

Butternut squash soup, Ezekiel bread and 1/4 avocado, 2 oz soy nut butter with 2 Tbs sugar free maple syrup, apple.

Raw spaghetti sauce, zucchini pasta, chcolate/peanut butter smoothie.

Have an awesome day!

The things we find when spring cleaning

I was just going thorough a cabinet in my bedroom and found this paper from 8-13-03….obviously the start of another diet.

Weight 190                                      Thursday was 128.5, (and has been for 3 1/2 yrs)

Neck        15 in                                 Today 13

Chest        48.5                                 Today 37

Mid drift  38.5                                 Today 32.25

Waist         39.5                                 Today 29

Abs             45.5                                 Today  33     (the little pouch below the belly button)

hips             43.5                                Today 33.5

Thigh          25.5                                Today  19.5

Calf              16                                     Today 14

Arm             13.5                                 Today  10.5

Well yes I’m very grateful and that wasn’t even my worst….I have gotten up to 205 or 210….it seems like an entirely different lifetime.  This is where God has been doing for me what I was never able to do for myself.  I was thinking the other day about my Dad.  We all try to do better for our kids than we had….and he really did so much better for my sister and me than was shown to him by his dad….way better.  One thing about him growing up was that they were very poor…and while they got enough….just enough….to eat, it was mainly staple food like macarroni, and he could do a lot with macaroni that made it taste so good….grandma too.  There was something about his father eating steak and they would smell it and want it….but they would get hot dogs….he didn’t like to talk about his father much and when he did it was obviously painful so we just didn’t go there.  Any way my point is that early on there was a connection with food and love.  My dad didn’t get what he needed from his father…in love, attention or on a physical matter…food.  My parents were divorced when I was 2 so as long as I can remember, visiting my dad was like going to a party.  I would see him every other weekend and we would have to fit all that love and attention into those two days.  Food was always the center of focus weather we were at home or out to a retaurant with a lot of people or just home playing games….my dad loved us and wanted to show us love in a place that he was aware of that would make a person feel loved….food….and not just enough….more than enough….he never wanted us to want for it….and we didn’t….not while we were with him, (but we did with our mother)….and it was good and plenty.  I think he gave himself love that way too….or tried to fill that void.  I wish I could give him a big hug right now, I miss him so much and I wish that I could show him what I know now….I think that he’s the one who showed me how to get on this path.  I had also learned that showing love was providing enormous amounts of “good” food to people and when all of the deaths were happening and all of the pain that followed came, I tried to replace that love with food….and more food….and more food….but it just made me full, fat, depressed and still in need of love.

Wow, I didn’t imagine that I would be going in this direction when I sat down to tell you what I found.  For a moment I thought that I would just delete it and be grateful for the personal insight…..but if someone else can gain from this insight….then that’s a good thing.  The void is no longer a void….God filled it up….all I had to do was ask….and He really is always here.   I show myself love…and my family love….by taking good care of myself so that I can be my best for them as well as myself.  I’m finally at peace with who I am, where I came from, whom I came from and the situations that have been.  I’ve been on this beautiful sunny road for a while now and I feel safe….I never felt safe before but I didn’t know it because it was just a normal existance for me.

Yesterday I did Kathy Smiths Fat Burning Aeorbics for exercise.

Food:  1/4 C oat bran, Strawberry/Banana Smoothie, Green drink, oil pill

16 oz raw/cooked Butternut Squash soup, ezekiel bread, 1/4 avocado, pina collad  smoothie.

16 oz jicama, cucumber and radishes, 1/2 sweet potato (fries), chocolate/peanut butter smoothie, 1/4 avocado….I dipped the jicama in it.

Oooops, I forgot I was cleaning out cupboards : )  See ya!

April 30, 2009

Brett’s home safe.  Eric and Alexis went to get him last night….we were going to get him today….and today is gorgeous out side….they moved him in the rain last night….but now they get to go golfing instead.  I’ve done about 4 loads of laundry….I think Brett just quit doing it a few months ago….he said a couple of weeks, but….I don’t know….it’s okay for now, I’m happy that he’s home.  Poor Alexis still had to go to school, we were going to let her come with us today…but it’s all done….she’s been texting me….and at least negotiated some Diet Pepsi Max….My dad was a professional negotiator….no joke, he was a mediator….both my kids seemed to pick up that trait : )

I didn’t go last night because I was in class.  Meditation class….I love it!  Last year around this time I did the raw food fast and this year it has been vegan….with a lot of that being raw….obviously if you’ve been reading my blog.  Last year I had some interesting emotions come up and out….this year it’s been pretty mellow but there’s a blissful expectancy.

I feel really lucky with the program that I’m in….it’s spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.  It seems like I take care of an issue on one of these levels and it effects all the others….they are all in sync….or all off….what ever you prefer….I prefer in sync.  I’ve been reading “Raw Emotions” by Angela Stokes (She went totally raw when she was over 300 lbs….but still had the obsession with the sugars and processed foods….an amazing transformation), and watched Oprah yesterday, (Kirstie Alley was on and gained all her weight back….I would love for her to learn about this sugar/flour obsession).  You don’t have to be a labeled compulsive eater….that’s what I am….to have a problem with sugar and flour or reap the rewards of obstaining from it….I read so much that it’s a drug….the drug of choice for many….and it’s such a trap and such a prison….and we think it’s our reward.  I am so grateful that it’s necessary for me to stay away from it….otherwise I would forever trying to figure it into my eating….hey, that’s what I did do and why I don’t do that anymore ; ).  I like living like this….I like it a lot!

I just want to add also that getting here to this point hasn’t been just one thing.  For me it’s been the 12 step groups, meditation…years and years of meditation….but I love it…now there’s a drug for me : )….church, (tv and in real life) , the people that God has put into my life….they’re always just the right ones you know….even….maybe especially the ones who we think are there to drive us nuts ; )….we learn some valuable lessons from them…and they stick….and it doesn’t drive us nuts anymore when we learn them.  What led me to everything I needed?  The 3rd and 7th step prayers….and I still say them every day.

Food yesterday was:

1/4 C oat bran, pina colada smoothie, green drink, oil pill, multi vitamin/mineral.

16 oz Butternut Squash soup – Indian Style…1/2 raw and 1/2 cooked, 1 slice sprouted bread with 1/4 avocado, 1 oz puffed wheat with 1 C soy milk, 4 oz pineapple, 1/2 banana.

16 oz awesome rawsome salad with corn and 1/4 avocado, Chocolate/peanut butter smoothie.

Exercise was Pilates and a lot of spring cleaning….I’m going to do more of that….I just found out that our neighborhood garage sale is next Friday and I have a lot of things to get rid of…big things….will that equal big money?  I hope so….because then I can buy more things….my grandma used to tell me, “We need people like you Sandee….you keep our economy going”….let’s all get out there and do our parts to keep this economy alive : )

April 29, 2009

I’m so excited, Brett is coming home tonight…it looks like he got a 4.0 for the semester again too….way to go Brett!!!

Exercise yesterday was Pilates….I do the Winsor Pilates 20 minute workout….I have it memorized so that I can do it in about 10-12 minutes while watching Joyce Meyer.

1/4 C oat bran, oil pill, pinapple smoothie, green drink

Butternut soup, 2 oz soy nut butter, apple, flour free bread, 1/4 avocado

homemade raw spaghetti sauce, (it was awesome!), zucchini pasta, cucumber, radish, chocolate/peanut butter smoothie.

April 28,2009

For exercise I did “Bun’s of Steel Yoga”, another oldie but goodie…also about 45 minutes.  Lucky me also I got a massage at the Chiropractor.  I’ve had problems with the bottoms of my feet….and getting worse all the time….for the past month or two….I had a little of it last year too but it cleared up with the raw food and a colonic.  I had a massage about a week and a half ago too and it seemed like the pain left….but then it came back the next day worse.  I went on a 3 day juice fast and it seemed to almost disappear….then I started eating again and it came back….I was thinking that I needed another colonic and maybe to go all raw again….I’m still excited about going raw again anyway….and I do have flat feet so I was thinking that I needed to start looking in the orthopedic shoe department : )  I’m not a grandma yet….not for a long time.  Well, back to the massage….she cracked both of my feet in the middle and it was really really loud.  Today….even barefoot through the house….they don’t hurt….I can even push on the callus’s and they don’t hurt.

For food:  1/4 C oatbran, Pinacolada smoothie, oil pill, green drink

16 oz butternut squash soup…1/2 raw and 1/2 cooked….it wasn’t blending well all raw….but it tasted wonderful all together!   4 oz buckwheat with 1/2 C soy milk, 1/2 banana, 4 oz strawberries

16 oz Awesome Rawsome salad with an ear of corn….raw corn is so much better than cooked.  Sprouted bread, 1/4 avocado, Chocolate/peanut butter smoothie.

April 27, 2009

Yesterday I did Kathy Smith’s Fat Burning Work out…..it’s about an hour….maybe a little less….and very old….but good.  I like it because it gets all my muscles warmed up, toned and stretched….it’s an over all good feeling.

1/4 C oat bran, oil pill, strawberry/banana smoothie, green drink, vitamins

16 oz mung bean sprouts, alfalfa sprouts, cucumber, tomato, cucumber, matchstick carrots and radishes, 1/4 avocado…..OMG this was really good!

Homemade raw chili with corn and,  1 slice of Sprouted bread with 1/4 avocado and tomato slice, chocolate/peanut butter smoothie….this was OMG good too…..I love spring and all of this fresh food!

Rawvolution

I watched and got to participate in a live chat on line with Angela Stokes and Matt Monarch….they’re raw food leaders.  I am still so fascinated with that life style….in a lot of ways it’s not me….but there is a real pull….and the short time that I did it I noticed a profound difference emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.  Look at Angela’s story when you get a chance (rawreform.com), she lost over 160 lbs….she now weighs less than that and has maintained it for I think 7 or 8 years….eating all raw.  Reading stories like hers, Shazzie, David Wolfe, Tanya Zavasta, the Butinko’s and more all inspired me to do it last year and it was a really nice experience….one that I’ve been trying to get back in to doing.  I’ve stayed over 50% raw, but the more the better.

I made an amazing salad today that’s similar to one I have in the recipes from last year….but it has more stuff….and was so good that it will be for lunch tomorrow.  It’s full of sprouts, raw corn….amazing….tomato, cucumber, radishes and avocado….everything was so juicy and fresh dressing was not needed or missed.

On Angel’s blog she lists what she eats each day….I really like that….I like to know exactly what people are doing to get the results that they’re getting and she inspired me to do the same so I’ll be journaling what I’m eating and any exercise that I’m doing too.    So I’ll be reporting the day before when I do it.

green drink, oil pill, 1/4 C oat bran,( 4 oz strawberries, 1/2 banana, 4 oz tofu, 1 C vanilla soy milk, stevia, banana extract….all blended to make a smoothie), vitamins.

12 spiralina/chlorella tabs, 16 oz salad with homemade dressing….it wasn’t good, 1/2 sweet potato….made into fries, 8 oz grapes, (chocolate/peanut butter Smoothie), vitamins.

Butternut soup, (this will be on the website and was really, really good….last night was cooked but I’m going to try raw tomorrow.)  8 oz salad with 4 oz sprouted garbanzo beans and 4 T Goddess Dressing.

I did some light yard work….washed and carried the patio chairs for exercise….not ideal….yeah for spring though!!!!

Is Yoga Enough?

My basement is getting finished….it’s looking great too….but I haven’t been able to do my “Firm” workout for a couple of weeks.  I thought this was a good opportunity to go raw again, (also just because I was feeling stuck and heavy) and to see how I would do on just yoga and pilates….go for that nice lean dancer type of look.  Last week I did yoga…a little too intensely…what I though were toxins leaving my kidneys were really bones and/or muscles being strained too much.  The result….acute back pain for the past 4 days.   I’ve also had to do some painting….it will save me $800 : )…..but going up and down that little ladder didn’t feel so good….and I think it made it worse….walking felt good though….but the bottom line is that I really didn’t exercise much at all last week…or the week before….except for a few days.  Today even though….maybe because…..I was in pain I did yoga.  I did one that I’ve had for  a while but couldn’t do before….I did it…all except “The Raven”, (you put your body weight up on your arms and balance….I’m so not there yet).  It was way too hard for me in the past and I never finished it….today, it was refreshing….and my back has loosened up a bit.  I have a Chiropractor appointment and massage this afternoon…so the two of them will get me up and running again…just kidding about the running…I don’t run.

I’m wondering now though if yoga is enough.  It looks like that’s the main exercise of a lot of raw fooders, it feels good…..and I know a woman who is about 65 who does it…and does it well….she looks amazing, (healthy, bright eyes, skin and hair, no wrinkles), and seems to have a full and abundant life….I know she’s been a vegetarian for quite a few years too.  I look at people like Rodney Yee….he’s all muscle and Marielle Hemingway….she looks great and is my age.  I would love feed back on your personal experience with it.